The ex next door

[Undertoad]

Scene: a front door. The house number "406" is visible. A man knocks at the door. Samiamex answers.

Man: Hi! I'm looking for Miss Samiam?
Samiamex: Uh, actually she lives next door, at 408.
Man: Oh, I'm sorry.
Samiamex: No problem, I was just packing.
Man: You live next door to her man? She's hot!
Samiamex: I guess.
Man: When I saw her at the office it was hard looking away.
Samiamex: Well, be my guest and go for it if you like.
Man: Whoa! No way! I could make that mistake if I didn't know what was in her test results...
Samiamex: Wait a minute, test results?
Man: Uh yeah... actually I'm just the courier from the clinic, I could get in trouble mentioning it, but uh, I'll just give you some friendly advice... (leans in) don't go near that ass my friend, it looks like she's been positive for a couple months now.
Samiamex: What!
Man: Yeah... (flips through papers) couple of things... they wanted me to get the news to her quick, this is the kind of thing that has to be addressed. She must have picked something up... two or three things actually. My advice is, don't hit that until it gets treated! Maybe not even then!
Samiamex: Shit. I already did!
Man: (expression changes) Are you serious? Whoa. Recently? Dude. Duuuude.
Samiamex: Ohhh... fuuuck! You gotta tell me what it is!
Man: (backs away) Oh crap dude, I'm already in big big trouble! Aw man, look, I'm tellin ya, just go to the emergency room and ask for every test they have, even the stuff that can be, like "hidden" and stuff!
Samiamex: shit shit shit shit