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I'd give them some food and then worry about giving advice.
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Excellent.
@ Sundae. Oh I dunno *grins* I suspect me an' thee were both on a par we just expressed it in very different forms of madness:P Wolf, in a way, nailed it somewhat for me. Not now, but at the time. The Jean Val John thing? I escaped life by becoming my own anti-hero. I remember, very clearly, as a young woman trying to project a kind of restless energy and disturbing undercurrents. *Shrugs* worked for me :P It was only really as a grown-up looking back that I realised I was actually as wild and leftfield as I had so wanted to be. At the time I desperately wnted to break out and away. Drop out totally and utterly and follow a life without boundaries. All fed into with 60s imagery and a love of Bob Dylan. I wanted to be wild. I felt wild inside. I wanted to make who I was reflect that maelstrom. But I didn't see it that way. I just saw it as wanting to have fun and wild adventures. I wanted to be part of a wild scene, right at its centre.
Everybody else (discount anyone living the 9-5 life frm this, I saw that as the ultimate defeat) seemed to be having a wilder and more fun time. I wanted the free-form student life, without the studies :P It's only really as an adult I see how close to what I wanted my life actually was much of that time. It's a little like looking at a photo of yourself at 18 and thinking "Why couldn't I see then that I was beautiful?"
So, stuff like the stealing? Honestly, what I remember, I remember with access to the thrill that accompanied it at the time and my own sense of pride as I 'beat the system'. Stupid? Yeah. But I know what was going on in my head at the time. I like recalling those times. The sharp edges have been blunted by time and what's left is just the landscape of young adulthood. A pleasant place to visit.
Particularly pleasant since I gave up all semblance of wildness long ago. I kept hold of some of the eccentricity though. Why the fuck not, I earned it :P
08-29-2008, 06:23 AM
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