Merry Fucking Christmas

[Whit]

The Modern Night Before Christmas (Author Unknown)

Twas the night before X-mas
and all through the house
everybody felt shitty
even the mouse

Dad at the whore house
Mom smokin' grass
I'd just settled down
to a nice piece of ass

when the rose 'pon the roof top
such a great clatter
that I sprang from my piece
to see what was the matter (hey it was really fuckin' loud okay?)

down the chimney he came
like a bat outta hell
I knew right away
that the fat fucker fell

he stuffed all the stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer

up the chimney he rose
with one hell of a fart
that son of bitch
blew the chimney apart

and I heard him exclaim
as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all
and have a hell of a night"