Neat scriptures I'm fakin'

[sexobon]

Here's an old military one I'm fond of:

........................................"THE CREATION'

AND THE LORD SPAKE FORTH UNTO THE HEAVENS AND SAID, "LET THERE BE AIRBORNE." THE EARTH THEN DID TREMBLE AND QUAKE AND THE WATERS DID RISE UP AND THE CLOUDS DID PART AND THERE CAME FORTH A MULTITUDE OF PARACHUTES THAT FILLED THE SKY. GOD LOOKED DOWN AND SAW THIS WAS GOOD - AND THEY WERE GOOD - THEY WERE AIRBORNE!

GOD THEN SPAKE FORTH UNTO THE LAND AND SAID, "LET THERE BE RANGERS" AND ALL AT ONCE THE DAY TURNED TO DARKNESS AND THE WINDS DID HOWL, MOUNTAINS CRUMBLED INTO THE SEA AND THE GREAT ROCKS DID PART, AND THERE SPRANG FORTH A HOARD OF MEPHISTOPHELES DISCIPLES WEARING RANGER TABS AND CARRYING ALL SORTS OF DEADLY WEAPONS. GOD LOOKED DOWN AND SAW THIS WAS BAD - AND THEY WERE BAD - THEY WERE RANGERS!

THEN GOD SPAKE FORTH THRICE - UNTO THE SKY, THE EARTH, AND THE SEA AND SAID, "LET THERE BE SPECIAL FORCES." LIGHTNING DID FLASH AND THUNDER ECHOED ACROSS THE SKY. MOUNTAINS SPEWED MOLTEN ROCK AND RAINED FIRE UPON THE LAND. TIDAL WAVES SURGED AGAINST THE SHORE. DESPAIR, DISORDER AND TURMOIL DID PREVAIL. FORTHWITH, THERE DID APPEAR A BAND OF TWELVE EXTRAORDINARY MEN. A FEW CAME FROM BENEATH THE WAVES, OTHERS JUMPED FROM THE SKY AND STILL MORE SILENTLY STALKED FROM THE DENSE FORESTS. EACH ONE WAS IN CAMOUFLAGE BATTLE DRESS WEARING A RANDALL KNIFE, STAR SAPPHIRE RING, ROLEX WATCH AND A GREEN BERET. WORKING TOGETHER THEY BROUGHT PEACE UNTO THE LAND. GOD LOOKED DOWN AND SAW THAT THIS WAS AMAZING - AND THEY WERE AMAZING - THEY WERE SPECIAL FORCES!

BESIDE HIMSELF, GOD NOW SPAKE FORTH AGAIN AND COMMANDED, "LET ALL YE WHO BE WEAK IN MIND AND BODY - ARISE AND GO FORTH" AND LO FROM THE ABYSS THEY CRAWLED WITH INDECISION AND LIMPED WEAKLY UPON THE EARTH. GOD LOOKED DOWN AND SHOOK HIS HEAD FOR THIS WAS PATHETIC - THEY WERE PATHETIC - THEY WERE LEGS!