Group therapy time

[Clodfobble]

Pshaw--I'm not skirting, I've been in the middle of it for 2+ years now. Actually though, escapism is better than despair, so this probably ought to be seen as a step on the way up. Read a study awhile back claiming that 80% of the special needs moms examined showed multiple symptoms of PTSD. A majority of my friends are on some type of antidepressant or anti-anxiety med (or both,) but it's not so easy to mix those with the anti-seizure meds I'm on. Those do double-duty as mood stabilizers though, so I guess I could talk to my neurologist about upping the dose if I can't ride this one out. The more I take the better I sleep, at the very least.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

The more I take the better I sleep, at the very least.

To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause – there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of disprized love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
and so on...

[Griff]

Autism is a great killer of marriages and mental health. One of my little dudes is doing some unofficial hippo-therapy, seems like that could help Moms too.

[Clodfobble]

Interesting idea. I rode horses every summer for 9 years as a kid, and haven't really done it since. Both of us have been trying to find respite activities for ourselves, but I hadn't considered going back to horseback riding. Might have to look into what it would cost to "rent" a horse around here.

[jimhelm]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

If her answer is yes, then I would probably fly down there. Just sayin.

ya know.. I was thinking of me, but you ARE a better fit for that description.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by jimhelm

ya know.. I was thinking of me, but you ARE a better fit for that description.

ha ha. It is not lost on me that she has not dignified with comment our suggestion.

[Clodfobble]

"And then she fainted!"

[jimhelm]

that says fainted, not farted

[monster]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

"And then she fainted!"

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

"And then she fainted!"

That only makes us love you all the more.

[Spexxvet]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Read a study awhile back claiming that 80% of the special needs moms examined showed multiple symptoms of PTSD.

I absolutely believe that.

Originally Posted by Griff

doing some unofficial hippo-therapy, seems like that could help Moms too.

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Interesting idea. I rode horses every summer for 9 years as a kid, and haven't really done it since.

Yeah, but what about hippos?

[HungLikeJesus]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

That only makes us love you all the more.

That's kinky.



Also, I could never quite figure out this line:

...and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes

[classicman]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

Read a study awhile back claiming that 80% of the special needs moms examined showed multiple symptoms of PTSD.

hmm - this could explain some things in my life as well.

[richlevy]

As far as the special needs go especially for Autism, I can add a few cents.

Jeff is an adult now. In a lot of ways we are very lucky. He was able to find a part time job in high school and has been working there for 10 years.

I sometimes get depressed when I see an elderly woman in the mall with her 40-something special needs adult and wonder what my situation will be when I am 70+.

I also daydream, usually when the office lottery pool kicks in.

On a day to day basis, Jeff fits into our schedule the way any live-in child would. I take him to work on the few days he works and Marci picks him up. He mostly goes with us wherever we go, but can stay home for short periods by himself.

There are some special challenges with Autism, but raising a child is raising a child and a lot of the challenges are the same whether special needs or not. The issue with many special needs is knowing that the relationship will never change. There will be no marriage, moving out, occasional visits, etc.

During our IEP's, I always stated the goal that Jeff would be in a group home environment by the time he was 25. I did this mainly because with bureaucracies, setting a goal is important. I don't know if it will ever happen and I am not pushing it. With a part time job and supports, the answer is maybe, someday.

The point is that stress is normal and so is daydreaming. If it doesn't impair your functioning, it's a lot healthier and cheaper than drugs. But what is even more important is doing things for yourself and your spouse. There used to be funding for 'respite' care, which simply meant separating parents from children for some downtime. This usually meant babysitters, but it could also mean summer camp.

I doubt this support exists anymore, but the principle is sound. All parents need a break. Finding a good babysitter, be it from an agency or family member, and checking into a hotel for a weekend is probably the cheapest and best therapy.

In the military and sports, there is a concept called 'target fixation', where someone is so focused on something that they disregard obstacles and threats. In pilots this meant almost deliberately plowing into the ground.

With our children, particularly special needs children, there is a lot of pressure to be a 'good parent'. We are not conditioned to be selfish, even though sometimes being selfish is the correct answer to keeping ourselves mentally capable of parenting. Sometimes this means being so fixated on giving that we forget to maintain our own mental health.

When Jeff was growing up, we would sometimes sit down and ask ourselves how long it had been since we'd had a night out by ourselves and be shocked at the answer. I'm not any kind of health care expert, but you just might need some R&R.

Marci is the real expert on a lot of this. She does not have a Cellar account, but PM me if you have a question for her. She's been giving a lot of advice in this area lately. The 'official' supports for special needs parents in PA are not stellar and a lot of people do not understand respite, IEP's, services, and other issues.

[classicman]

Thanks Rich. I needed to read that. I too look into the future and it scares the hell outta me. Knowing he will be dependent upon me for the rest of MY life is overwhelming.