Are you a Democrat, Republican, or a Southerner??

Big Sarge · 10-16-2011, 11:46 PM

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities,
raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
This is all so confusing!

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

DanaC · 10-17-2011, 02:37 AM

left wing /= soft hearted pacifist.

bluecuracao · 10-17-2011, 02:59 AM

I wouldn't ever walk down a deserted street with my wife and two small children in the first place.

[Philadelphian, aka Democrat]

nowhereman · 10-17-2011, 06:53 AM

I may be a left-leaning New Englander BUT --- that guy wold be dead in a heartbeat (or lack of one...)

fargon · 10-17-2011, 07:13 AM

Southern Republican.

ZenGum · 10-17-2011, 07:22 AM

I cry "Allah Akbar, brother, Daikhallat"

He drops the knife, we become friends.

Then I stab him.

infinite monkey · 10-17-2011, 08:35 AM

Quote:

You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities,
raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do

That is some of the finest poetry I've ever read. It started out with an obvious haiku influence, then employed shocking imagery as a bridge stanza...leading directly to the haunting conclusion, and the age-old question "what do you do?" What do you do, indeed? Striking.

I think it needs to go in "Creative Expressions."

Spexxvet · 10-17-2011, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Sarge

What do you do?

What would Jesus do?

I'll bet he wouldn't...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Sarge

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

which is hilarious, considering the typical repubican and southerner self-identification as christians.

infinite monkey · 10-17-2011, 08:44 AM

BURN!

monster · 10-17-2011, 08:53 AM

Ok, the thing all you wrong people don't get is that Jesus was a "do as I say, not as I do" kind of person. Just like the Republicans. In fact, Jesus was a Republican. And God wouldn't think twice about smoting that fucker and then reloading. Jesus was just God's Republican salesperson, really......

Spexxvet · 10-17-2011, 08:58 AM

Yeah, modern christians have rejected the old testament, 'cept for the peices they want to keep.

monster · 10-17-2011, 09:03 AM

The "no sex with ducks" bits?

Spexxvet · 10-17-2011, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

The "no sex with ducks" bits?

That's why they only fuck goats.

Too soon?

HungLikeJesus · 10-17-2011, 09:18 AM

Hey, Ducks isn't here to give her opinion.

monster · 10-17-2011, 09:22 AM

Another successful thread derailment brought to you by Teh Cellar and monster Inc.

View Poll Results: Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southerner??
Democrat	5	29.41%
Republican	0	0%
Southerner	7	41.18%
Bleeding Heart Foreigner	5	29.41%
Voters: 17. You may not vote on this poll

10-16-2011, 11:46 PM	#1
Big Sarge Werepandas - lurking in your shadows Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the Deep South Posts: 3,408	Are you a Democrat, Republican, or a Southerner?? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you... You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN: Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP? Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day. Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. This is all so confusing! Republican's Answer: BANG! Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!' 'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! ' Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!' Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist! __________________ Give a man a match, & he'll be warm for 20 seconds. But toss that man a white phosphorus grenade and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

10-17-2011, 07:13 AM	#5
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	Southern Republican. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

10-17-2011, 07:22 AM	#6
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	I cry "Allah Akbar, brother, Daikhallat" He drops the knife, we become friends. Then I stab him. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

10-17-2011, 08:53 AM	#10
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Ok, the thing all you wrong people don't get is that Jesus was a "do as I say, not as I do" kind of person. Just like the Republicans. In fact, Jesus was a Republican. And God wouldn't think twice about smoting that fucker and then reloading. Jesus was just God's Republican salesperson, really...... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart Last edited by monster; 10-17-2011 at 09:03 AM.

10-17-2011, 02:59 AM	#3
bluecuracao in a mood, not cupcake Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 3,034	I wouldn't ever walk down a deserted street with my wife and two small children in the first place. [Philadelphian, aka Democrat]

10-17-2011, 06:53 AM	#4
nowhereman sliding down the razor blade of life Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: just over the edge Posts: 228	I may be a left-leaning New Englander BUT --- that guy wold be dead in a heartbeat (or lack of one...)

10-17-2011, 08:44 AM	#9
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	BURN!

10-17-2011, 08:58 AM	#11
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Yeah, modern christians have rejected the old testament, 'cept for the peices they want to keep. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

10-17-2011, 09:03 AM	#12
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	The "no sex with ducks" bits? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-17-2011, 09:18 AM	#14
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	Hey, Ducks isn't here to give her opinion. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

10-17-2011, 09:22 AM	#15
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Another successful thread derailment brought to you by Teh Cellar and monster Inc. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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