gains of giving up

[Undertoad]

I got yer back dude, we are going to figure this out.

the story is that he left her midst pregnancy, changing his mind when it was too late.
ofcourse i can't really know what else happened there other then what she told me.
there was no contact with him since.

There is no "too late" for the kid to have a relationship with a real father.

She didn't maintain contact with the guy looking for child support? You didn't mention that she's independently wealthy or something.

Really bad signs here. What we have so far is she's making selfish decisions that will hurt her son, and having a series of relationships that she terminates abruptly, affecting her son.

Good job not getting her knocked up again... seriously, bullet fucking dodged. Can you imagine what it would be like to be a biodad at this point? Apparently it wouldn't have made a difference to her, and she would have cast you to the winds anyway.

Your soul mate will not be doing drunken handstands wooing guys, asking to see their dick, while still in a relationship, all while having a 3-year-old in tow.

Your soul mate will not assign you tests to pass in order to qualify for her attention, because that is not the stuff of a healthy, loving relationship.

Where's her dad? What's he like?

[it]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

There is no "too late" for the kid to have a relationship with a real father.

She didn't maintain contact with the guy looking for child support? You didn't mention that she's independently wealthy or something.

she didn't have to - specifically because she wasn't wealthy - the moment things got bad enough so she had to go on welfare (shortly after the pregnancy), canada welfare brought the guy to court for her. even after she no longer needed welfare, the transaction is done through them - just the bare legal minimum (which is 150$ a month). she had to testify in his trial, but their was no contact between them other then that.

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Really bad signs here. What we have so far is she's making selfish decisions that will hurt her son, and having a series of relationships that she terminates abruptly, affecting her son.

since the biological father left from his own volition, and since she didn't have anyone in the child's life for the 3 years after (the one that was with her when i met her was an online relationship that never evolved into RL), there's not much of a series - just me. so far a one time event.

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Where's her dad? What's he like?

her biological father? aloof and lazy, met him once in Christmas, but not much of a relationship with her at all. her various step fathers, i think it was like 4 or 5, have each lost all contact with her when they left her mother.

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Your soul mate will not assign you tests to pass in order to qualify for her attention, because that is not the stuff of a healthy, loving relationship.

it isn't? i mean isn't that sort of integral to how people choose partners? its sort of difficult for me to get romantically attached to... anyone, so for my last 27 years, she's being my only serious relationship, so i am not being sarcastic... am i being naive to accept that constant judgement as a norm? what's the alternative?