What's in Your Portfolio

[IamSam]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

You know what would make me look really stupid right now?

A picture of you sitting next to your wood stove that you use exclusively to heat your apartment.

I'm prepared to look stupid, so bring it. If I am wrong I will admit it. It's something I do regularly. It would really change my opinion of you. I would apologize for a long time. You can even fuzz out your face, or paint over it with MS Paint, but it will have to be in an apartment setting. And with "cellar.org 4/30/2013, fuck you undertoad" written on a piece of paper in the frame.

Pictures are worth a thousand words so you wouldn't even have to accompany it with a wall of text. Just the picture alone would be enough. And although you and I got nothing but time, this should take between 5 and 15 minutes to accomplish.

No.

Were I to comply with your suggestion, I would be the one looking incredibly stupid, not you. As you may recall, this territory has already been covered when I was still foolish enough to play the game. I jumped through the hoops back then, but I guess not high enough because a few people STILL weren't satisfied. Were I to respond with "How high" to your command of "Jump!" I can already see the responses that would ensue:

Looks like a house to me. PROVE it's an apartment.

PROVE it's really YOUR apartment and not that of one of your brain dead friends.

Prove that funky thing you call a stove still works.

Please send a picture of your JUNIPER wood pile with you standing next to it holding up a sign reading "I am an IDIOT" and giving the date.

And many more variations along those lines, since we are an imaginitive and snarky crowd around here.

All of the above is moot anyway, since I don't really care what some stranger on the Internet thinks. Heck for all I know, "Undertoad" doesn't even exist. He's just Pensive Pam's sock puppet. In fact, I have an idea:

You go round up all the Philly members of the Cellar you can find and have them stand next to you holding up signs that give the date and have the words "I am (Cellar Username) and the man I'm pointing to really IS UT. You can stand in the center of the pic, holding up a sign with the words "I REALLY am Undertoad" with the date clearly written below that.

It's up to you, but I think it's more fun to just exchange snarky yet clever insults and comments. Hint: "Bullshit factory" is not especially clever, but I'll let it go this time.

Love,
Sam