Ask the Transperson

[slang]

Originally Posted by Pamela

I am going through my own (difficult) transition.

Is there one thing that comes to mind that would make your transition easier?

What might someone do or not do to support your transition? What do you wish people in general would do differently in regards to the new you?

I can surely relate to your transition in a way. Not transgender but my own transition is OUT of the US.

Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. The first time that I left North America I felt different. Better. Freer. Since then I've been working at getting out for good. Despite the majority of the world's population trying to get IN to the US, I'm getting out. For good.

That's not as drastic of a change as you've made but in that way I can sympathize with the challenges of your journey.

[sexobon]

Originally Posted by slang

... but my own transition is OUT of the US.

Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. ...

We understand just fine, you've gone native. We don't have any problem with that. You've simply failed to understand that charity begins at home. You've made your choices, now live with them, we have.

[slang]

Originally Posted by sexobon

We understand just fine, you've gone native. We don't have any problem with that. You've simply failed to understand that charity begins at home. You've made your choices, now live with them, we have.

Thank you for your brilliant comment, but...

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by slang

Is there one thing that comes to mind that would make your transition easier?

What might someone do or not do to support your transition? What do you wish people in general would do differently in regards to the new you?

I can surely relate to your transition in a way. Not transgender but my own transition is OUT of the US.

Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. The first time that I left North America I felt different. Better. Freer. Since then I've been working at getting out for good. Despite the majority of the world's population trying to get IN to the US, I'm getting out. For good.

That's not as drastic of a change as you've made but in that way I can sympathize with the challenges of your journey.

I am not familiar with your situation (I've been away for a long time) but I can sympathize and I have even considered moving out myself.

The best thing people can do to make this easier on me is to simply use my new name and gender pronouns. I still get a lot of people who use the OLD ones. I can understand that you knew me for many years as Brian, but please, try to make the effort. We will really appreiate it and every time we hear our new name, it is enpowering and affirming in ways that defy articulation.

Love

Pam

[slang]

Originally Posted by Pamela

The best thing people can do to make this easier on me is to simply use my new name and gender pronouns. I still get a lot of people who use the OLD ones. I can understand that you knew me for many years as Brian, but please, try to make the effort. We will really appreiate it and every time we hear our new name, it is enpowering and affirming in ways that defy articulation.

Love

Pam

That makes sense and I'll surely remember that.

I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them. If they are older or self confident they might smile to break my stare to which I'll smile back and make a little friendly small talk as if to say "oops, sorry about that".

[tw]

Originally Posted by slang

I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them.

Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transition?

[slang]

Originally Posted by tw

Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transistion?

That's a good question TW.

I'm not sure. That seems likely.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by tw

Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transition?

I've known a few TG people in real life. One was very obvious, and continues to be. She has been supported by her employer and lives completely as a woman, but she does look very much like a man. Then again she didn't even begin her physical journey until she was into her 50s and I believe this makes a difference.

Another is as Shel describes, but from the opposite perspective. People assume he is gay and are surprised he has a girlfirend. Both of them have had to deal with some cold shoulders from the lesbian community who they once viewed as family. He for not feeling being a woman was good enough, she for "becoming" heterosexual for sticking by the person she loved regardless of changing gender.

Those are statements not questions of course.

My question is, if money had been no object, would you have transitioned sooner? Or was it cultural/ societal issues which held you back? Or did you simply start to make your changes when you were emotionally comfortable with doing so? That's not really three questions, because one answer will suffice

And is there any good TG literature out there?

Fiction or memoirs written from an informed perspective have always helped me to understand different lifestyles more than any number of texts or documentaries. For example, although I can never really feel the impact of AIDs on the gay community, I have a heck of a lot more empathy since Derek Jarman's books sent me down a path of reading various (well-written) memoirs. It was another world which only ran parallel to the one I lived in at the time.

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by Sundae

I've known a few TG people in real life. One was very obvious, and continues to be. She has been supported by her employer and lives completely as a woman, but she does look very much like a man. Then again she didn't even begin her physical journey until she was into her 50s and I believe this makes a difference.

Yes, it DOES make a difference when we begin later in life rather than early. The ones these days who begin pre-puberty have it the best; they will never have to go through the "wrong" puberty and suffer the physical changes.

Originally Posted by Sundae

Another is as Shel describes, but from the opposite perspective. People assume he is gay and are surprised he has a girlfirend. Both of them have had to deal with some cold shoulders from the lesbian community who they once viewed as family. He for not feeling being a woman was good enough, she for "becoming" heterosexual for sticking by the person she loved regardless of changing gender.

Those are statements not questions of course.

Obviously, I missed out on the recent gossip. I thought Shel was gay, too. You will have to fill me in. Fe-mail me!

Originally Posted by Sundae

My question is, if money had been no object, would you have transitioned sooner? Or was it cultural/ societal issues which held you back? Or did you simply start to make your changes when you were emotionally comfortable with doing so? That's not really three questions, because one answer will suffice

No one should transition before they are ready physically and emotionally. To do otherwise invites a negative outcome. I do regret not knowing what Gender Dysphoria was much earlier.

My first exposure to the greater trans-world out there was meeting MaggieL at RichLevy's BBQ so long ago. Until then, I thought I was the only person who felt like this. I felt like a freak, a pervert, a deviant. Once I knew that I wasn't alone and that there was a name for this, I had a direction to look in and research. My local library was not well-stocked in information on our condition, since little such existed at that time. These days, lots of information is a mere Googke search away. Kids have it GOOOOD!

Originally Posted by Sundae

And is there any good TG literature out there?

Fiction or memoirs written from an informed perspective have always helped me to understand different lifestyles more than any number of texts or documentaries. For example, although I can never really feel the impact of AIDs on the gay community, I have a heck of a lot more empathy since Derek Jarman's books sent me down a path of reading various (well-written) memoirs. It was another world which only ran parallel to the one I lived in at the time.

Sure. Try this.

Or jump directly to the .pdf and read.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Pamela

Obviously, I missed out on the recent gossip. I thought Shel was gay, too. You will have to fill me in.

Sorry, it was awkward sentence structure on my part. I mean that I knew a F>M TG who people assumed was a gay man. Sheldon was born a gay man with the same package he has now!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by tw

Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transition?

Yes, I can generally tell us from our cisgendered kin. After staring in the mirror at myself and noting all the shortcomings and differences, I have a practiced eye for the techniques that we use to blend in. I can usually (but not always) spot one of my sister's "tells". But it should be noted that they can also spot mine. Etiquette demands that I not notice and continue as normal. I do, however, offer the secret handshake and wink. LOL

Pamela

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by slang

That makes sense and I'll surely remember that.

I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them. If they are older or self confident they might smile to break my stare to which I'll smile back and make a little friendly small talk as if to say "oops, sorry about that".

Please don't stare at us.. We get self-conscious easily.

Why are you uncomfortable with some but not all?

Is it that they are less "passable" and you start thinking "man in a dress" rather than a late-blooming woman trying to overcome a medical handicap and discover her true self?

The smart ones will smile at you to let you know that they are aware of you. The ones who may be coming out for the first time in public may react by running away (we overreact a LOT in the beginning stages)

Remember, our new hormones are necessarily more powerful than the ones natal females get, resulting in a second puberty with all the attendant drama PLUS the difficulty of trying to shed the stigma and social disapproval. I have literally talked more than one of my sisters out of a closet or out from under a bed because of situations like that.

"reading" or "clocking" us is not difficult sometimes, but please do not advertise it. The etiquette is to pretend that you don't know, even if you do. And never NEVER out someone. Just because YOU know they are trans does not mean that everyone does and pointing it out in any way can and has placed them in danger. You handle it almost correctly. Simply smile and make small talk as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

She will appreciate you for it.

Love

Pamela

[Griff]

Originally Posted by Pamela

"reading" or "clocking" us is not difficult sometimes, but please do not advertise it. The etiquette is to pretend that you don't know, even if you do. And never NEVER out someone. Just because YOU know they are trans does not mean that everyone does and pointing it out in any way can and has placed them in danger. You handle it almost correctly. Simply smile and make small talk as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Pamela, this has been a great thread, thank you so much for the insight. I'm very sorry about your family falling apart, hopefully you can organize your life the way you need it to be. I'm glad you're part of our community. G