The decline of my father in law

glatt · 06-08-2014, 09:37 AM

It's better this time around because he's not in any pain.

But his breathing isn't very strong. They moved him to the intensive care unit. At night, they put an ipap breathing mask on him, and he doesn't like that but he is refreshed in the morning and animated and talkative. They let him breathe on his own during the day, and as the day wears on, he gets drowsier and drowsier as the carbon dioxide builds up in his blood.

We tried to have a conversation with him about getting a do not intubate or resuscitate document together and he was expressing his wishes, but not precisely enough that we could get the paperwork done. Maybe today.

He's 100% there mentally but his body is quitting on him. We haven't had any official conversations with anyone yet, but my perception is that when he gets out of the ICU, he will be going into the hospice wing of his assisted living place, where they will put a mask on him. I don't see him improving from here. But who knows? I'm not a Dr.

It's so much better this time without all that pain. I'm so thankful for that.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-08-2014, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

We tried to have a conversation with him about getting a do not intubate or resuscitate document together and he was expressing his wishes, but not precisely enough that we could get the paperwork done. Maybe today.

I wonder if the phone call to your wife, the night before he went in, was not so much to put her mind at ease, as to convince himself that this too shall pass?

glatt · 06-30-2014, 09:12 AM

The timing of this is really beginning to suck. On Thursday, we're supposed to hop on a plane to California for a family reunion vacation that's been planned for almost 2 years. My parent's 50th wedding anniversary. 17 people adjusted their schedules to be there. All are my immediate family. We want to go.

But FIL is still in the hospital ICU. My wife is his only family able to be there for him. They fixed his breathing problem a while ago by draining a liter! of fluid out of each lung, and we thought he would be discharged a week or two ago. But they can't get him stable. They have to keep adjusting his various meds up and down to try to get his BP, blood thickness, and pulse in the right zone.

On Saturday they decided he needs a pacemaker because his heart keeps stopping for a couple seconds at a time. He's a borderline case for a pacemaker. So they need to ease off on the blood thinners so he can have the surgery in a few days. Right about the same time we're supposed to fly off to California.

So my wife, who has been carrying all this stress of dealing with this stuff and needs a vacation, is probably going to not come on the vacation. The big family picture she coordinated with a pro photographer in Yosemite is going to have everyone in it but her. She's going to be all alone back home, making trips to the hospital and then coming back home to an empty house while we're off having fun in Yosemite. Except I won't be having fun. I want her there with me. If she's home dealing with this stuff, I want to be home supporting her. The kids want their mom with them. I basically have to go, and I want to go, but everything we do, I'll be wishing she was there too, and it will hold me back from enjoying it.

I'm not even sure FIL should get a pacemaker. If his various systems are as screwed up as they are, is is such a wise idea to make his heart keep beating perfectly? The pacemaker will not even improve his quality of life, other than keeping him from momentarily passing out when his heart stops for a couple seconds. He'd bedridden right now, so who cares if he passes out for a second or two? It's only if he improves and gets out of bed that it would matter. Not my decision though.

I'm grateful that he's comfortable, and alert, and in decent spirits for someone who's been lying in an ICU bed for 3 weeks. But he's forgetful. I think he doesn't even remember that we have a vacation planned, and at this point I think we're not going to remind him. No need to make him feel guilty for keeping his daughter from her trip.

This sucks. I know others have dealt with worse, and I don't know how they manage.

06-08-2014, 09:37 AM	#1
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	It's better this time around because he's not in any pain. But his breathing isn't very strong. They moved him to the intensive care unit. At night, they put an ipap breathing mask on him, and he doesn't like that but he is refreshed in the morning and animated and talkative. They let him breathe on his own during the day, and as the day wears on, he gets drowsier and drowsier as the carbon dioxide builds up in his blood. We tried to have a conversation with him about getting a do not intubate or resuscitate document together and he was expressing his wishes, but not precisely enough that we could get the paperwork done. Maybe today. He's 100% there mentally but his body is quitting on him. We haven't had any official conversations with anyone yet, but my perception is that when he gets out of the ICU, he will be going into the hospice wing of his assisted living place, where they will put a mask on him. I don't see him improving from here. But who knows? I'm not a Dr. It's so much better this time without all that pain. I'm so thankful for that.

06-30-2014, 09:12 AM	#3
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	The timing of this is really beginning to suck. On Thursday, we're supposed to hop on a plane to California for a family reunion vacation that's been planned for almost 2 years. My parent's 50th wedding anniversary. 17 people adjusted their schedules to be there. All are my immediate family. We want to go. But FIL is still in the hospital ICU. My wife is his only family able to be there for him. They fixed his breathing problem a while ago by draining a liter! of fluid out of each lung, and we thought he would be discharged a week or two ago. But they can't get him stable. They have to keep adjusting his various meds up and down to try to get his BP, blood thickness, and pulse in the right zone. On Saturday they decided he needs a pacemaker because his heart keeps stopping for a couple seconds at a time. He's a borderline case for a pacemaker. So they need to ease off on the blood thinners so he can have the surgery in a few days. Right about the same time we're supposed to fly off to California. So my wife, who has been carrying all this stress of dealing with this stuff and needs a vacation, is probably going to not come on the vacation. The big family picture she coordinated with a pro photographer in Yosemite is going to have everyone in it but her. She's going to be all alone back home, making trips to the hospital and then coming back home to an empty house while we're off having fun in Yosemite. Except I won't be having fun. I want her there with me. If she's home dealing with this stuff, I want to be home supporting her. The kids want their mom with them. I basically have to go, and I want to go, but everything we do, I'll be wishing she was there too, and it will hold me back from enjoying it. I'm not even sure FIL should get a pacemaker. If his various systems are as screwed up as they are, is is such a wise idea to make his heart keep beating perfectly? The pacemaker will not even improve his quality of life, other than keeping him from momentarily passing out when his heart stops for a couple seconds. He'd bedridden right now, so who cares if he passes out for a second or two? It's only if he improves and gets out of bed that it would matter. Not my decision though. I'm grateful that he's comfortable, and alert, and in decent spirits for someone who's been lying in an ICU bed for 3 weeks. But he's forgetful. I think he doesn't even remember that we have a vacation planned, and at this point I think we're not going to remind him. No need to make him feel guilty for keeping his daughter from her trip. This sucks. I know others have dealt with worse, and I don't know how they manage.

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