The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Relationships
FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-03-2016, 12:57 PM   #1
anonymous
Operations Operative
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: in hiding
Posts: 578
That just makes me want to cry, Clodfobble. And yes, Undertoad, that is what I thought at the time.

Some time after we split (because I can't transit from lovers to friends without a break) the culprit and I became friends again and he was very kind and helpful to me at a very traumatic point in my life. You could not imagine a less devious, kinder person, less likely to put his own interests over those of others. Or so I thought. So I am also grieving for the loss of a friend.
And then I find myself in church this afternoon (not my belief system, but an obligation to others took me there). It is the culprit's belief system and I begin to wonder how you square off the two in your head. He was, by all accounts, full of remorse and basically gave himself up at the first indication of the accusations; is now imprisoned for four years (at least two), with corrective treatment and a ban on contacting the victims for life afterwards. And then there is all this talk of forgiveness around me and I think: "Poor bastard. He has lost his family (all of it), friends, job, everything. What he needs is a friend". Part of me wants to be that friend - who has continued to see all the good in him (which there was).
anonymous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2016, 04:50 PM   #2
sexobon
I love it when a plan comes together.
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
I have just discovered that a past boyfriend (about a 3 year relationship, around 15 years ago) has been convicted as a serial child sex offender. ...

... In a strange way I feel violated, but I cannot share this with anyone because ... well, TMI for my current partner, or anyone else I know IRL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
... I think: "Poor bastard. He has lost his family (all of it), friends, job, everything. What he needs is a friend". Part of me wants to be that friend - who has continued to see all the good in him (which there was).
How does your current partner and everyone else you know IRL fit into that?
sexobon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2016, 06:50 PM   #3
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
Quote:
Originally Posted by sexobon View Post
How does your current partner and everyone else you know IRL fit into that?
There you go dragging logic and reason into it.

__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2016, 01:51 AM   #4
anonymous
Operations Operative
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: in hiding
Posts: 578
Quote:
Originally Posted by sexobon View Post
How does your current partner and everyone else you know IRL fit into that?
The only bit I cannot share with my current partner and friends IRL is the fanny-shaving episode because, well, TMI.
Partner knows all of the people involved and the whole story. I have mentioned continuing the friendship to partner, and we're both thinking about it, but his initial reaction was neutral-to-sympathetic.
As to my other friends IRL - very few of them know culprit so I don't see that as an issue, and there are even fewer (one, in fact) that I would even think of discussing it with. Among my acquaintance there is a victim's parent (also an ex-partner of culprit, and who told me of these dreadful events), and that victim. But I do not see these people at all frequently and it would be easy for me not to share with them my continued friendship with culprit. Indeed victim's parent expressed, amongst many other things, pity for culprit, but I still would screen them from my contact with culprit, if I chose to get in touch with him.
anonymous is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2016, 09:50 AM   #5
sexobon
I love it when a plan comes together.
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
... The only bit I cannot share with my current partner and friends IRL is the fanny-shaving episode ... Among my acquaintance there is a victim's parent (also an ex-partner of culprit, and who told me of these dreadful events), ... parent expressed, amongst many other things, pity for culprit, but I still would screen them from my contact with culprit, if I chose to get in touch with him.
Sounds like a catch 22. To make an informed choice, you need to answer a key question. To answer a key question, you need information that you may not be able to get because it constitutes TMI. Did culprit; or, did culprit not shave his other ex-partner's fanny too?
sexobon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2016, 10:01 PM   #6
sexobon
I love it when a plan comes together.
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
I don't find that relevant to my statement having to do with a former significant other coming back into her life and her not being able to disclose it to any of her other friends except for one and that one is only a maybe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
... As to my other friends IRL - very few of them know culprit so I don't see that as an issue, and there are even fewer (one, in fact) that I would even think of discussing it with. Among my acquaintance there is a victim's parent (also an ex-partner of culprit, and who told me of these dreadful events), and that victim. But I do not see these people at all frequently and it would be easy for me not to share with them my continued friendship with culprit. Indeed victim's parent expressed, amongst many other things, pity for culprit, but I still would screen them from my contact with culprit, if I chose to get in touch with him.
sexobon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2016, 11:49 PM   #7
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
I question they assumption that shaving your pussy was because of his predilection for children. A awful lot of guys like shaved women. I doubt you were aiding and abetting by complying with that request.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:46 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.