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Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

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Old 04-14-2006, 06:25 PM   #1
Clodfobble
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lookout123
my reaction? "who cares?" i couldn't even express interest. every time she walked away my friends are telling me i'm an idiot. after explaining that i just wasn't up to the task (task - since there was no challenge) they had the normal guy responses about who cares about tomorrow, focus on tonight, blahblahblah.

my thought was - this chick is exactly what i would describe to anyone wanting my definition of the perfect fit for me. but i'm not at a place where i can even conceive of having anything approaching a healthy relationship and the thought of using that one for a one night stand... just couldn't do it.
Why does it have to be one or the other? Perhaps you should try telling the next perfect girl all of this--explain that she's very nice, intelligent, etc., and maybe awhile down the road it would be great, but right now you're not in a place where you can have a relationship. Maybe it'll turn out SHE'S just coming out of a painful separation as well, and is only throwing herself at you in an attempt to build up her own self-esteem again. Maybe you'll find a sincerely lifelong friend with no "relationship" expectations at all.

Which is all a sneaky way of getting yourself to be able to see women as good friends again, which is step one to being interested in another woman again someday.
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Old 04-14-2006, 09:07 PM   #2
xoxoxoBruce
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Spot on, Clodfobble. Your never in a position where you can't use another friend. Make that have, rather than use, another friend. Use carries some baggage.

Anyway, friends with different perspectives can be helpful. There is no harm in friends with privileges, either....as long as you're upfront with everything.

Heh, heh, heh, Spellcheck wanted to change Clodfobble to Cultivable.
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Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 04-14-2006 at 09:10 PM.
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Old 04-18-2006, 12:45 AM   #3
ashke
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Who will, at regular intervals, say "Poor baby..."?
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Old 04-18-2006, 01:21 PM   #4
Elspode
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashke
Who will, at regular intervals, say "Poor baby..."?
"Harvey" is one of my favorite films!
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Old 04-18-2006, 09:11 AM   #5
yesman065
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Hang tight Lookout - all is well. When we don't know the motivation for another persons actions, we can be biased to the reality because of oour own preconceived notions. She couold have been really nice and just trying to get to meet you or a the complete opposite just lookin to get laid. People never cease to amaze - and dissappoint me - ya just gotta give 'em a chance to determine which. Keep lil lookout safe and things with you will all play out in due time. Just give yourself the time you need.
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Old 04-23-2006, 10:02 PM   #6
wolf
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I would say report this information regarding the not-dating to your attorney.
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Old 04-23-2006, 10:51 PM   #7
xoxoxoBruce
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She has been taking my son to hang out with her at the prick's house, taking him to the prick's kids sporting events, etc...
These are dates? Or are they dating without the kid around? Are you sure you aren't jumping to conclusions?
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Old 04-23-2006, 10:56 PM   #8
lookout123
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she hooked up with this guy a few weeks or so ago, and they've been "just hanging out" sometimes til 4 or 5 in the morning. sure they could be playing parcheesee, but...

the bringing the kids along thing has only been in the last several days.

i know that eventually my son will meet whoever she is dating - that is a part of life. the issue is that we had come to an agreement that we weren't going to drag our kid out for every little fling. that just messes with a kid's head. her older sister has had an amazing string of boyfriends that she has inflicted on her kids and it messes with them. no stability and all that. adults can deal with the fact that lovers come and go. kids have a harder time understanding why mom isn't friends with the nice guy who was here last week.
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Old 04-23-2006, 11:06 PM   #9
xoxoxoBruce
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Sure, I understand your concern for the kid, just wondering if you're worrying needlessly in this case. You may be right, I was just wondering.

You could tell him you're planning on burying any lovers in the desert.
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Old 04-24-2006, 05:14 AM   #10
Dee
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i feel your pain i have seen many friends marriages that end is bad situations sometimes even before they have really begun. to see them go through it really tares me apart. I have been married for four years now and we seem to be doing well together, people come to us and ask advise but there is nothing we can tell them they haven’t all ready heard. the main thing to remember is the children is the most important thing for it is they that suffer the most and most just suffer in silence.
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Old 04-24-2006, 05:19 AM   #11
Dee
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"You could tell him you're planning on burying any lovers in the desert"

PS
Bruce it is still illegal to dispose of unwanted people in the desert. isn't it? though did you know that a pig can dispose of a body in just a couple of hours you just have to remember to go back later to dispose of the teeth.
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Old 04-24-2006, 06:03 AM   #12
WabUfvot5
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Any chance of talking to the guy and explaining this to him?
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Old 04-24-2006, 10:57 AM   #13
lookout123
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well, i'm pretty sure that if he cared at all what i thought he wouldn't be fucking my wife. i know she is my soon to be ex, in my book - until you aren't married, you're still married. he knows me. he knows some of what has unfolded here. he is just stepping in to get a piece of ass that is normally out of his alcoholic redneck league.
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Old 04-24-2006, 04:39 PM   #14
mrnoodle
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She's probably been doing that guy for ages, but has only let it come out in the open now that the divorce is becoming official.

You're getting there, lookout. Just hold on till all the paperwork is done, then she will officially become someone else's problem.
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Old 04-24-2006, 08:31 PM   #15
footfootfoot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrnoodle
...You're getting there, lookout. Just hold on till all the paperwork is done, then she will officially become someone else's problem.
BWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
/evil lookout laugh
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