More songs I wrote, please crit?

Ibby · 06-07-2006, 11:14 AM

You, Robot?

A million small points of light
Flickering in the dark
Dependant on our tiny machines
Electric overload

Sci-fi is fiction no more
Machines, they rule our lives
Computers in charge of all
Our towns are run like hives

Has mankind grown too lazy?
Are people just too weak?
Machines tell us what to do
What to eat, what to think

What once took weeks, a moment
What took a year, an hour
Our lives have sped up too much
Why can’t we mellow out?

Outro solo (Keys? Techno-prog-y vibe, think APP’s I Robot)

Ibby · 06-07-2006, 11:19 AM

Breakdown, Breakout, Breakaway

Breakdown
In a world of hate
Freedom’s fight
The fate of many

CHORUS:
Why fight when you can love?
Make love not war, release a dove,
Spend some time with a girl you love,
Let time pass you by on the wings of a dove.

Don’t show
Sympathy for another
Helping man
Means helping the enemy

CHORUS

Solo (60’s vibe? CCR maybe? Not quite sure yet)

Peace sells
But who would buy it?
Angst and hate
Sell twice as much

Find a mate, and stay by her side
Leave all the pain and hate behind
When you’re at your true love’s side
Hate and fear will vanish behind.

Solo (Bluesy/jazzy yet sexy vibe – Brian Setzer Orchestra-y, maybe…)

xoxoxoBruce · 06-11-2006, 11:45 AM

Primal Muse would like the first one.

Ibby · 06-11-2006, 11:49 AM

hahahahaha

But really, whaddya think of the songs?

lumberjim · 06-11-2006, 01:59 PM

those aren't songs. they're still only poems. bad poems.

oh,.....do you smell what i have cooking in the next room? it's marvelous

Ibby · 06-11-2006, 04:06 PM

Thanks for the help, lj.

footfootfoot · 06-11-2006, 07:00 PM

he's serious. w/o music how can we tell what is going on?

footfootfoot · 06-15-2006, 10:03 AM

Ibram, have you written music to these songs? If so, can you record the music then upload an mp3 file so we can at least hear it? That would make a huge difference in critiquing your songs.

I'd be curious to hear them.

Ibby · 06-15-2006, 01:07 PM

I'm working on it, but both my instrumentation and my, er, playing ability are more limited than I would like.

DanaC · 06-15-2006, 03:36 PM

I like the way they sound in my head....but I'd love to hear how they should sound.Especially the breakup one.

08-06-2009, 06:30 PM

Did you match the beat of these to any existing songs? I would like to know how you imagine it being sang.

06-07-2006, 11:14 AM	#1
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	More songs I wrote, please crit? You, Robot? A million small points of light Flickering in the dark Dependant on our tiny machines Electric overload Sci-fi is fiction no more Machines, they rule our lives Computers in charge of all Our towns are run like hives Has mankind grown too lazy? Are people just too weak? Machines tell us what to do What to eat, what to think What once took weeks, a moment What took a year, an hour Our lives have sped up too much Why can’t we mellow out? Outro solo (Keys? Techno-prog-y vibe, think APP’s I Robot) __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh Last edited by Ibby; 06-07-2006 at 11:19 AM.

06-07-2006, 11:19 AM	#2
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Breakdown, Breakout, Breakaway Breakdown In a world of hate Freedom’s fight The fate of many CHORUS: Why fight when you can love? Make love not war, release a dove, Spend some time with a girl you love, Let time pass you by on the wings of a dove. Don’t show Sympathy for another Helping man Means helping the enemy CHORUS Solo (60’s vibe? CCR maybe? Not quite sure yet) Peace sells But who would buy it? Angst and hate Sell twice as much Find a mate, and stay by her side Leave all the pain and hate behind When you’re at your true love’s side Hate and fear will vanish behind. Solo (Bluesy/jazzy yet sexy vibe – Brian Setzer Orchestra-y, maybe…) __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

06-11-2006, 11:45 AM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Primal Muse would like the first one. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-11-2006, 11:49 AM	#4
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	hahahahaha But really, whaddya think of the songs? __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh Last edited by Ibby; 06-11-2006 at 12:18 PM.

06-11-2006, 01:59 PM	#5
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	those aren't songs. they're still only poems. bad poems. oh,.....do you smell what i have cooking in the next room? it's marvelous __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

06-11-2006, 04:06 PM	#6
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	Thanks for the help, lj. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

06-11-2006, 07:00 PM	#7
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	he's serious. w/o music how can we tell what is going on? __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-15-2006, 10:03 AM	#8
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Ibram, have you written music to these songs? If so, can you record the music then upload an mp3 file so we can at least hear it? That would make a huge difference in critiquing your songs. I'd be curious to hear them. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-15-2006, 01:07 PM	#9
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	I'm working on it, but both my instrumentation and my, er, playing ability are more limited than I would like. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

06-15-2006, 03:36 PM	#10
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	I like the way they sound in my head....but I'd love to hear how they should sound.Especially the breakup one.

08-06-2009, 06:30 PM	#11
jordg1 Guest Posts: n/a	Well... Did you match the beat of these to any existing songs? I would like to know how you imagine it being sang.

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