Carol Keeton Strayhorn is a Disingenuous Whore

Clodfobble · 12-08-2006, 04:56 PM

Headline: Illegal Immigrants an $18 Billion boost to Texas - report

From the article:

Quote:

"The absence of the estimated 1.4 million undocumented immigrants in Texas in fiscal 2005 would have been a loss to our gross state product of $17.7 billion," said Texas Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn.
...
"Undocumented immigrants produced $1.58 billion in state revenues, which exceeded the $1.16 billion in state services they received. However, local governments bore the burden of $1.44 billion in uncompensated health care costs and local law enforcement costs not paid for by the state," Strayhorn added.

Well as long as the state makes a profit, who gives a crap about the local financial burden, right??

Beestie · 12-08-2006, 10:17 PM

Carole Keeton Strayhorn
Texas Comptroller of Public Accounts
Post Office Box 13528, Capitol Station
Austin, Texas 78711-3528

Dear Disingenuous Whore,

As a native Texan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill, which was recently passed, by the Senate. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my son would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as in-state tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for li'l Clodfabulous.

I also understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I will have college age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal retroactively and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Oh, please send forms for my son as well. If he is an illegal he can't join the military and fight for the freedoms every illegal gets in this country.

(Up) Yours Truly,

Clodfobble

Sundae · 12-09-2006, 04:19 AM

Am I missing the point here? If "illegal aliens" are currently contributing to the state but still costing the local government billions of dollars, surely the only sensible move is to get them to stop being "illegal aliens"? And isn't it logical that if an incentive is offered it will encourage more people to take up the offer?

There are all sorts of benefits that I would appreciate and I don't receive. But I understand that they are being offered as a short term perk in order to benefit the city/ county/ country long term.

I admit a fair degree of ignorance about the American immigration system, so I do expect my answer is too simplistic.

footfootfoot · 12-09-2006, 09:02 AM

Ya see SG, that's why you're gonna hafta always stay in the UK. It's much more complicated here.

Oh, and Beestie, hilarious as usual.

Beestie · 12-09-2006, 10:50 AM

I can't take credit for the letter - a buddy sent it to me a while back. I forgot about it until I read CF's post and it seemed like a good fit.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-09-2006, 11:06 AM

Yes, that letter was going around during the pre-election, let's pretend we're actually going to do something about it, bullshit.

That said, it in no way diminishes the genius of Beestie's adaptation and application of that letter.

busterb · 12-09-2006, 01:09 PM

Quote:

my son would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school

Great, But is she a she or a he?

Urbane Guerrilla · 12-10-2006, 08:09 PM

Awaiting further developments with worms on our tongues...

12-08-2006, 10:17 PM	#2
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Carole Keeton Strayhorn Texas Comptroller of Public Accounts Post Office Box 13528, Capitol Station Austin, Texas 78711-3528 Dear Disingenuous Whore, As a native Texan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill, which was recently passed, by the Senate. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005. Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my son would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as in-state tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for li'l Clodfabulous. I also understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I will have college age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal retroactively and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Oh, please send forms for my son as well. If he is an illegal he can't join the military and fight for the freedoms every illegal gets in this country. (Up) Yours Truly, Clodfobble __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

12-09-2006, 04:19 AM	#3
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Am I missing the point here? If "illegal aliens" are currently contributing to the state but still costing the local government billions of dollars, surely the only sensible move is to get them to stop being "illegal aliens"? And isn't it logical that if an incentive is offered it will encourage more people to take up the offer? There are all sorts of benefits that I would appreciate and I don't receive. But I understand that they are being offered as a short term perk in order to benefit the city/ county/ country long term. I admit a fair degree of ignorance about the American immigration system, so I do expect my answer is too simplistic. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

12-09-2006, 09:02 AM	#4
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Ya see SG, that's why you're gonna hafta always stay in the UK. It's much more complicated here. Oh, and Beestie, hilarious as usual. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

12-09-2006, 10:50 AM	#5
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	I can't take credit for the letter - a buddy sent it to me a while back. I forgot about it until I read CF's post and it seemed like a good fit. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

12-09-2006, 11:06 AM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Yes, that letter was going around during the pre-election, let's pretend we're actually going to do something about it, bullshit. That said, it in no way diminishes the genius of Beestie's adaptation and application of that letter. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

12-10-2006, 08:09 PM	#8
Urbane Guerrilla Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,674	Awaiting further developments with worms on our tongues... __________________ Wanna stop school shootings? End Gun-Free Zones, of course.

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