Anger

freshnesschronic · 10-31-2007, 02:29 AM

Gosh. I just lost to my roommate in a video game and I'm so pissed. Goddamnit. I'm so pissed off that I lost, I'm quiet and soft. That's the pissed that burns your core. Yes I know, it's a fudging video game, but I'm so damn competitive, especially when I know I should have won. A problem I have.

There's no "feelings" thread here but my anger problem does affect relationships so here it is. I have gotten much better with my anger issues since I realized I have them but I still feel sooooooooooooooooooooo much heat at times my mindset would actually allow me to punch anything if I don't keep it on the down low. And I know anger problems can seriously screw people up--and the ones they care about.

Is anger genetic? Or formed by environmental upbringings? I seem to cool off in 15 minutes or so from mostly anything (mostly) but while I'm red I'm irrational, hostile and enraged. Bad tempers can do serious damage to a persona, to an entire life. I need to

Life lessons, anyone?

Aliantha · 10-31-2007, 02:33 AM

Most people get angry, and I think that when you do it's important to have good impulse control. That is to say that when you're angry you need to be aware of it on a different level and make sure you're in control of the decisions you make when you're in that state.

If you lose control when you're angry, it's nothing more than a temper tantrum is it? Most people learn that there's no point to these little hissy fits when they're kids. For some it takes longer.

I think it's great that you've realized you've got a problem. That'd be going a long way towards fixing it. Maybe if you're seriously concerned you should get the counsellor at school to help you out? Or maybe you just need to keep working on yourself and growing past it.

Good on you for acknowledging the problem though. I think that's great.

10-31-2007, 02:51 AM

Anger is a product of frustration, expectations not met. The more you choose to decide that things Should:
Be a certain way/Turn out a certain way/Become something
the more angry you are going to be when they, inevitably, do not turn out the way you have predetermined their "rightful" outcome should have been.
Confusion gets interpreted as anger.... the cycle becomes ingrained and more frequent.
Breaking the cycle is an exercise in stopping the need to expect things and learning to let things just happen. Enjoying the surprises in life.
Just be in the Now.
Let go of control.
You will never control the future... NEVER.

DucksNuts · 10-31-2007, 04:27 AM

I used to be an angry youngster, known for my little temper and I agree with RK, its frustration related.

Once I realised I had a hellish temper, I used to use *stop, breathe, think*. You figure out you look like a dick pretty quickly.

Not a lot pisses me off these days, I can probably name 2 people that have the ability to get me riled up.

Doesnt hurt to the let the boys that work for me *think* I am the grumpy bitch though.

Rk and Ali seem to have their finger on the button.

Aliantha · 10-31-2007, 05:13 AM

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
--Oscar Wilde

Shawnee123 · 10-31-2007, 08:41 AM

Love this Twain quote regarding temper (sounds like me!):

It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.
- Notebook, 1894

Cicero · 10-31-2007, 01:11 PM

What game were you playing?

Shawnee123 · 10-31-2007, 01:12 PM

Tiddly winks
Chinese Checkers?

Just messin'

freshnesschronic · 10-31-2007, 02:43 PM

NBA 2k7. My roommates and I are big bball fans. Good advice dwellars. ty ty

ElBandito · 10-31-2007, 05:08 PM

Man, don't sweat it. Look at the people who get angry on the internet? They're all fruitloops and nutbars. So are you. So am I. So are we all.

And so what? Anger's a natural emotion. Noone can say you shouldn't be allowed to be angry... but if you analyse it (and within the context of a video game) it's probably going to be more frustration at yourself because you were unable to beat your peers at a games.

Practise more, then go back and PWN HIM!

Bullitt · 10-31-2007, 05:10 PM

Next time, whenever you score yell "RAZZLE DAZZLE!!!", get under his skin.

Sundae · 10-31-2007, 06:03 PM

Fresh, the important thing to remember is that anger is an emotion and will pass. I agree with previous posters that the more you work on it the more you will be able to control it. And I am impressed that you have identified it as a problem at your age. I don't mean to be patronising - I was brought up with the idea that I "had a temper" and was therefore a bad person. I used my temper as a get-out clause for many years and only realised I could do something to change or at least improve the hold it had over me in the last year. I am 35.

Anger can be controlled. You are not a bad person for feeling it. Being competitive is good, but need not lead to anger. Read up on it. Or get counselling (not suggesting you are out of control, just that to change thought patterns is hard but very worthwhile).

The hardest things to change within ourselves are usually those that will benefit us the most.

Shawnee123 · 11-01-2007, 09:32 AM

So true, Sundae. As one with anger issues, everything you said hit home with me. Whether it is "just who you are" or it is the past that you don't deal with, nipping it in the bud is very good advice.

TheMercenary · 11-01-2007, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freshnesschronic

Life lessons, anyone?

What ever you do you need to figure out how to channel it and make it more constructive. Anger of the kind you describe can become pathologic and it will eventually affect much that goes on around you. Few things piss me off that much. Read the book, "Don't sweat the small stuff". Good luck.

Sundae · 11-01-2007, 06:00 PM

BTW the advice given by Ducks re taking a deep breath has a real physical benefit. Anger releases adrenaline into the system, as our anachronistic bodies get ready to fight. Deep breaths are the best way to clear adrenaline - it's a way to bypass the animal system. Your body accepts that the deep breaths mean danger has passed and stop flooding your system with "fight" instincts.

I don't have the medical know-how to explain this properly, but a qualified psychiatric nurse explained it to me.

10-31-2007, 02:29 AM	#1
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Anger Gosh. I just lost to my roommate in a video game and I'm so pissed. Goddamnit. I'm so pissed off that I lost, I'm quiet and soft. That's the pissed that burns your core. Yes I know, it's a fudging video game, but I'm so damn competitive, especially when I know I should have won. A problem I have. There's no "feelings" thread here but my anger problem does affect relationships so here it is. I have gotten much better with my anger issues since I realized I have them but I still feel sooooooooooooooooooooo much heat at times my mindset would actually allow me to punch anything if I don't keep it on the down low. And I know anger problems can seriously screw people up--and the ones they care about. Is anger genetic? Or formed by environmental upbringings? I seem to cool off in 15 minutes or so from mostly anything (mostly) but while I'm red I'm irrational, hostile and enraged. Bad tempers can do serious damage to a persona, to an entire life. I need to Life lessons, anyone?

10-31-2007, 02:33 AM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Most people get angry, and I think that when you do it's important to have good impulse control. That is to say that when you're angry you need to be aware of it on a different level and make sure you're in control of the decisions you make when you're in that state. If you lose control when you're angry, it's nothing more than a temper tantrum is it? Most people learn that there's no point to these little hissy fits when they're kids. For some it takes longer. I think it's great that you've realized you've got a problem. That'd be going a long way towards fixing it. Maybe if you're seriously concerned you should get the counsellor at school to help you out? Or maybe you just need to keep working on yourself and growing past it. Good on you for acknowledging the problem though. I think that's great. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-31-2007, 05:13 AM	#5
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. --Oscar Wilde __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

10-31-2007, 01:11 PM	#7
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	What game were you playing? __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

10-31-2007, 05:08 PM	#10
ElBandito Captain of Jelly Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Wgtn, NZ Posts: 62	Man, don't sweat it. Look at the people who get angry on the internet? They're all fruitloops and nutbars. So are you. So am I. So are we all. And so what? Anger's a natural emotion. Noone can say you shouldn't be allowed to be angry... but if you analyse it (and within the context of a video game) it's probably going to be more frustration at yourself because you were unable to beat your peers at a games. Practise more, then go back and PWN HIM! Last edited by ElBandito; 10-31-2007 at 05:09 PM. Reason: Him, not them... unless there's more than one!?

10-31-2007, 02:51 AM	#3
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Anger is a product of frustration, expectations not met. The more you choose to decide that things Should: Be a certain way/Turn out a certain way/Become something the more angry you are going to be when they, inevitably, do not turn out the way you have predetermined their "rightful" outcome should have been. Confusion gets interpreted as anger.... the cycle becomes ingrained and more frequent. Breaking the cycle is an exercise in stopping the need to expect things and learning to let things just happen. Enjoying the surprises in life. Just be in the Now. Let go of control. You will never control the future... NEVER.

10-31-2007, 04:27 AM	#4
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	I used to be an angry youngster, known for my little temper and I agree with RK, its frustration related. Once I realised I had a hellish temper, I used to use stop, breathe, think. You figure out you look like a dick pretty quickly. Not a lot pisses me off these days, I can probably name 2 people that have the ability to get me riled up. Doesnt hurt to the let the boys that work for me think I am the grumpy bitch though. Rk and Ali seem to have their finger on the button.

10-31-2007, 08:41 AM	#6
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Love this Twain quote regarding temper (sounds like me!): It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog. - Notebook, 1894

10-31-2007, 01:12 PM	#8
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Tiddly winks Chinese Checkers? Just messin'

10-31-2007, 02:43 PM	#9
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	NBA 2k7. My roommates and I are big bball fans. Good advice dwellars. ty ty

10-31-2007, 05:10 PM	#11
Bullitt This is a fully functional babe lair Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Akron, OH Posts: 2,324	Next time, whenever you score yell "RAZZLE DAZZLE!!!", get under his skin. __________________ Kiss my white Irish ass. Last edited by Bullitt; 10-31-2007 at 05:17 PM.

10-31-2007, 06:03 PM	#12
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Fresh, the important thing to remember is that anger is an emotion and will pass. I agree with previous posters that the more you work on it the more you will be able to control it. And I am impressed that you have identified it as a problem at your age. I don't mean to be patronising - I was brought up with the idea that I "had a temper" and was therefore a bad person. I used my temper as a get-out clause for many years and only realised I could do something to change or at least improve the hold it had over me in the last year. I am 35. Anger can be controlled. You are not a bad person for feeling it. Being competitive is good, but need not lead to anger. Read up on it. Or get counselling (not suggesting you are out of control, just that to change thought patterns is hard but very worthwhile). The hardest things to change within ourselves are usually those that will benefit us the most. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

11-01-2007, 09:32 AM	#13
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	So true, Sundae. As one with anger issues, everything you said hit home with me. Whether it is "just who you are" or it is the past that you don't deal with, nipping it in the bud is very good advice.

11-01-2007, 06:00 PM	#15
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	BTW the advice given by Ducks re taking a deep breath has a real physical benefit. Anger releases adrenaline into the system, as our anachronistic bodies get ready to fight. Deep breaths are the best way to clear adrenaline - it's a way to bypass the animal system. Your body accepts that the deep breaths mean danger has passed and stop flooding your system with "fight" instincts. I don't have the medical know-how to explain this properly, but a qualified psychiatric nurse explained it to me. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

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