homeowner me

Trilby · 06-01-2008, 12:59 PM

HOMEOWNER ME

I’ve no business being a homeowner. This thought crossed my mind as I tripped over some hinge-like metal contraption on the floor of my basement as I was throwing a wash in. I had no idea of this thing or its significance to my house. Could it be the lynchpin that kept the entire basement together? Is it a vital piece of washing machinery and now that it was off the washer would cause a basement tsunami? I didn’t know and I didn’t (honestly) care about the lynchpin or the coming tsunami; I only cared to get the wash going. But, still. There was that thought.

And I’ve a true Silence of the Lambs-type basement. If there was going to be water down there, there was also going to be a mudslide and cholera.

To say that I am a “homeowner” is a bit of a pretentious lie I tell myself (to make me feel superior) and to others (to make me look superior) but it’s really a misnomer. Daddy owns the house. Yes. Yes, he does. Except Daddy is getting on in years and you can’t rightly expect an 80 year-old, landlord or father or no, to be unplugging your hair-stopped sink every sixty days or hoisting in your window A/C unit come May now can you? Not, at least, if you are a proper “homeowner.”

I know what I can do, though. I can give a blow job. I’ve proven this fact beyond a shadow of a doubt as I am paid for them: maybe not in the ‘traditional’ way a person is paid ($), but paid nonetheless. I got my toilet ring fixed for one, and I keep a not-too steady supply of oxy and percs on hand for another. These drugs, though not prescribed to me specifically, are essential for when I have extraordinarily bad days; which come with alarming frequency.

Take this Saturday. My eldest, my golden, graduated (not with honors but with a lot of jock related things and a scholarship, so there) from the little high school his father had ferried him off to when the lad was only ten. Three hours away from me. I’d no idea I was that dangerous to his upbringing, but I suppose his father felt that any woman who would trade sex for toilet maintenance couldn’t be trusted with anything closer. There he was: tall, proud, and good-looking. And I couldn’t help but feel I’d only contributed to three of those things. His father, after all, had raised him. I merely supplied the others. His temperament, his good judgment, his dedication to the church… he’s not dedicated to the church! I thing I find so strange as being “churchy” minded was a major contention back when his father and I shared a dwelling. And not just any church, either. One had to belong to the same one his parents belonged to---something to do with denying and farming and hating papists. Oh, and belief in aliens. But because my mother was a papist and had sent me to a papist school, they endeavored to scrub clean my soul, but my soul, like my morals, refused to be cleansed. Hence, the three hour trip to see my son.

My son’s father is not really so bad. As a matter of fact, he’s had loads, actual haywagon loads, of women, all churchy Christian laydees willing to overlook the embarrassing fact of his first wife, move in with him, fornicate (dare I say? Yes, I dare!) with him and then leave him just as I did. It couldn’t be all me. I mean, I refuse to believe a man married four times is all my fault. Plus, he’s good looking, so there is that.

But back to my son. I was, honestly, sad that Saturday. Here he was, all grown up and entering the Big Baddie and I felt I’d missed his many milestones. No, I did not miss his first fake 9-1-1 call to the Sherriff’s office. (His accomplice, his cousin, older by 9 months, should have known better); No, I did not miss his first phone call that began, “Mom…there’s a police officer here who’d like to talk with you….” (His father was out that night---praying, no doubt, with one of those Christian ladies), No, I did not miss his first…well, there were a lot of firsts I was privy to that his father probably was not but they were mostly by PHONE CALL. I missed all the Kodak moments. (had it not been 2 o’clock in the morning when he asked me to talk with the nice policeman, I might have had the presence of mind to ask for a Polaroid of the attending officer giving the thumbs-up).

He’s off to college now. I hope our phone call relationship can still somehow work out. I hope I can always be there for him when he needs me most---I’ve a lawyer on retainer for one. And, I’m a damn good listener.

I will always regret those lost Kodak moments. I will always cherish the real ones.

Sundae · 06-01-2008, 01:05 PM

Homeowner. Parent.
You can't always do all the mantainence yourself.

Your house and your son are still standing.
I like what you've written

Undertoad · 06-01-2008, 01:14 PM

gold. whatever else it may be, half-drunken whatever, the post is gold even as first draft

HungLikeJesus · 06-01-2008, 01:16 PM

Oh, "my mother was a papist." I thought your said "rapist."

Carry on.

P.S. I really liked that. I do hope it's to be continued.

Cicero · 06-01-2008, 02:01 PM

Bri, I'm not in full agreement. I don't like it. I think it's slightly alarming and hope that you were just drunk at the time, and mean very little of what you said. It was well written and seems sincere...good....But it actually has me a little worried instead of impressed.

This post was very long....Let's be thankful that I am not going to bore you with my full critique that almost just got posted in the stead!

Cheers Bri! Thanks for having the moxy to post that, and write it well. See? Two things that you are good at that trump the one you mentioned.

Trilby · 06-01-2008, 02:06 PM

cicero---don't take this the wrong way, girl, but I don't get you.

lots of that was made up. lots wasn't. It's WRITING, you see? like ACTING!

you've your own opinion but, really, I don't value it, so no harm done. LOL!!!!!!!

Cicero · 06-01-2008, 02:12 PM

Well crap! I didn't know it was all fiction! I thought it was part of a letter you were writing your husband like you just said in the good morning thread. Creative non-fiction...Whatever.
But now that I know you don't value my opinion I won't even bother anymore.
K.. g'day.

Trilby · 06-01-2008, 02:16 PM

K!

Trilby · 06-01-2008, 02:22 PM

look, cicero, I'm sorry if I misled you. I am sorry if you think I really am the whore I describe in the story. it wasn't fair to you to not let you all in on what I am feeling with this: my ex (who was nothing but a good looking loser) got into college on an essay I WROTE and became successful while I became crazy and alcoholic. (I met him in rehab. HE WAS ONE OF MY COUSELORS----so, there's THAT) anyway----as I became more and more unhinged he became a demi-god of childrearing and my kid is now what he is (for better or worse) b/c of the ex-hub---who pushed, and pushed and PUSHED that kid. so. I'm sad because I wasn't there for a LOT of things that a mother wants to be there for....and I, in my limping, childish, hateful, way try to make up for it by writing a stupid something.

I miss my kid, Cicero. I miss my baby and I'll never get those moments,when I should have been there, b ack.

so. that's the fucking story of the story. to try to make me feel better.

now, i only feel worse.

Undertoad · 06-01-2008, 02:39 PM

What I like is how little details make it personal, brings out the character. Details like cholera, toilet ring, "hating papists" are unexpected. The detail can come from anywhere, not just description of items. And its language is all personal and direct.

It doesn't have to be a completed work of fucking art or something.

Cicero · 06-01-2008, 04:00 PM

You don't have to let people in. But I was misled by your posts which can be a problem on the internet.

I'm sorry that you feel sad. I'm sorry that you miss your kid...that sounds very painful. But please take care of yourself.

DanaC · 06-01-2008, 04:26 PM

Quote:

My eldest, my golden, graduated

That's a lovely description. That one hit me right in the gut.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-01-2008, 04:46 PM

I believe every word of it, and always will.

Sundae · 06-01-2008, 04:48 PM

Cheer up Bruce. I once gave a man a BJ because he'd been dumped.

lumberjim · 06-01-2008, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

I’ve a lawyer on retainer for one.

a 'blowjob retainer'?

06-01-2008, 12:59 PM	#1
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	homeowner me HOMEOWNER ME I’ve no business being a homeowner. This thought crossed my mind as I tripped over some hinge-like metal contraption on the floor of my basement as I was throwing a wash in. I had no idea of this thing or its significance to my house. Could it be the lynchpin that kept the entire basement together? Is it a vital piece of washing machinery and now that it was off the washer would cause a basement tsunami? I didn’t know and I didn’t (honestly) care about the lynchpin or the coming tsunami; I only cared to get the wash going. But, still. There was that thought. And I’ve a true Silence of the Lambs-type basement. If there was going to be water down there, there was also going to be a mudslide and cholera. To say that I am a “homeowner” is a bit of a pretentious lie I tell myself (to make me feel superior) and to others (to make me look superior) but it’s really a misnomer. Daddy owns the house. Yes. Yes, he does. Except Daddy is getting on in years and you can’t rightly expect an 80 year-old, landlord or father or no, to be unplugging your hair-stopped sink every sixty days or hoisting in your window A/C unit come May now can you? Not, at least, if you are a proper “homeowner.” I know what I can do, though. I can give a blow job. I’ve proven this fact beyond a shadow of a doubt as I am paid for them: maybe not in the ‘traditional’ way a person is paid ($), but paid nonetheless. I got my toilet ring fixed for one, and I keep a not-too steady supply of oxy and percs on hand for another. These drugs, though not prescribed to me specifically, are essential for when I have extraordinarily bad days; which come with alarming frequency. Take this Saturday. My eldest, my golden, graduated (not with honors but with a lot of jock related things and a scholarship, so there) from the little high school his father had ferried him off to when the lad was only ten. Three hours away from me. I’d no idea I was that dangerous to his upbringing, but I suppose his father felt that any woman who would trade sex for toilet maintenance couldn’t be trusted with anything closer. There he was: tall, proud, and good-looking. And I couldn’t help but feel I’d only contributed to three of those things. His father, after all, had raised him. I merely supplied the others. His temperament, his good judgment, his dedication to the church… he’s not dedicated to the church! I thing I find so strange as being “churchy” minded was a major contention back when his father and I shared a dwelling. And not just any church, either. One had to belong to the same one his parents belonged to---something to do with denying and farming and hating papists. Oh, and belief in aliens. But because my mother was a papist and had sent me to a papist school, they endeavored to scrub clean my soul, but my soul, like my morals, refused to be cleansed. Hence, the three hour trip to see my son. My son’s father is not really so bad. As a matter of fact, he’s had loads, actual haywagon loads, of women, all churchy Christian laydees willing to overlook the embarrassing fact of his first wife, move in with him, fornicate (dare I say? Yes, I dare!) with him and then leave him just as I did. It couldn’t be all me. I mean, I refuse to believe a man married four times is all my fault. Plus, he’s good looking, so there is that. But back to my son. I was, honestly, sad that Saturday. Here he was, all grown up and entering the Big Baddie and I felt I’d missed his many milestones. No, I did not miss his first fake 9-1-1 call to the Sherriff’s office. (His accomplice, his cousin, older by 9 months, should have known better); No, I did not miss his first phone call that began, “Mom…there’s a police officer here who’d like to talk with you….” (His father was out that night---praying, no doubt, with one of those Christian ladies), No, I did not miss his first…well, there were a lot of firsts I was privy to that his father probably was not but they were mostly by PHONE CALL. I missed all the Kodak moments. (had it not been 2 o’clock in the morning when he asked me to talk with the nice policeman, I might have had the presence of mind to ask for a Polaroid of the attending officer giving the thumbs-up). He’s off to college now. I hope our phone call relationship can still somehow work out. I hope I can always be there for him when he needs me most---I’ve a lawyer on retainer for one. And, I’m a damn good listener. I will always regret those lost Kodak moments. I will always cherish the real ones. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

06-01-2008, 01:05 PM	#2
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Homeowner. Parent. You can't always do all the mantainence yourself. Your house and your son are still standing. I like what you've written __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

06-01-2008, 01:16 PM	#4
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	Oh, "my mother was a papist." I thought your said "rapist." Carry on. P.S. I really liked that. I do hope it's to be continued. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

06-01-2008, 02:01 PM	#5
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Bri, I'm not in full agreement. I don't like it. I think it's slightly alarming and hope that you were just drunk at the time, and mean very little of what you said. It was well written and seems sincere...good....But it actually has me a little worried instead of impressed. This post was very long....Let's be thankful that I am not going to bore you with my full critique that almost just got posted in the stead! Cheers Bri! Thanks for having the moxy to post that, and write it well. See? Two things that you are good at that trump the one you mentioned. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

06-01-2008, 02:06 PM	#6
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	cicero---don't take this the wrong way, girl, but I don't get you. lots of that was made up. lots wasn't. It's WRITING, you see? like ACTING! you've your own opinion but, really, I don't value it, so no harm done. LOL!!!!!!! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

06-01-2008, 01:14 PM	#3
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	gold. whatever else it may be, half-drunken whatever, the post is gold even as first draft

06-01-2008, 02:12 PM	#7
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Well crap! I didn't know it was all fiction! I thought it was part of a letter you were writing your husband like you just said in the good morning thread. Creative non-fiction...Whatever. But now that I know you don't value my opinion I won't even bother anymore. K.. g'day. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

06-01-2008, 02:16 PM	#8
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	K! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

06-01-2008, 02:22 PM	#9
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	look, cicero, I'm sorry if I misled you. I am sorry if you think I really am the whore I describe in the story. it wasn't fair to you to not let you all in on what I am feeling with this: my ex (who was nothing but a good looking loser) got into college on an essay I WROTE and became successful while I became crazy and alcoholic. (I met him in rehab. HE WAS ONE OF MY COUSELORS----so, there's THAT) anyway----as I became more and more unhinged he became a demi-god of childrearing and my kid is now what he is (for better or worse) b/c of the ex-hub---who pushed, and pushed and PUSHED that kid. so. I'm sad because I wasn't there for a LOT of things that a mother wants to be there for....and I, in my limping, childish, hateful, way try to make up for it by writing a stupid something. I miss my kid, Cicero. I miss my baby and I'll never get those moments,when I should have been there, b ack. so. that's the fucking story of the story. to try to make me feel better. now, i only feel worse. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

06-01-2008, 02:39 PM	#10
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	What I like is how little details make it personal, brings out the character. Details like cholera, toilet ring, "hating papists" are unexpected. The detail can come from anywhere, not just description of items. And its language is all personal and direct. It doesn't have to be a completed work of fucking art or something.

06-01-2008, 04:00 PM	#11
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	You don't have to let people in. But I was misled by your posts which can be a problem on the internet. I'm sorry that you feel sad. I'm sorry that you miss your kid...that sounds very painful. But please take care of yourself. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

06-01-2008, 04:46 PM	#13
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I believe every word of it, and always will. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-01-2008, 04:48 PM	#14
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Cheer up Bruce. I once gave a man a BJ because he'd been dumped. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

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