WHAT IS A CELEBUTARD?

[classicman]

Celebutards: The Hollywood Hacks, Limousine Liberals, And Pandering Politicians Who Are Destroying America

FOREWORD: WHAT IS A CELEBUTARD?

ce - leb – u – tard (suh – LEB – yu – tard) noun:

1. A famous person with a grandiose notion of his own importance and contribution to the known universe.
2. A human being of sub-par intellect, oversized ego and colossal bank account, whose existence represents a drag on the food chain, waste of oxygen and severe annoyance.
3. An egregious moron. (Origin: from the Latin celebutardus Paris Hiltonus maximum Baldwinus

“Sacrificing American soldiers or innocent civilians in an unprecedented pre-emptive attack on a separate, sovereign nation may well prove itself a most temporary medicine.”
— Sean Penn ad in the Washington Post, October 18, 2002.

“I think life’s an irrational obsession.”
— Sean Penn in Entertainment Weekly, August 8, 1997.

Celebutards. They walk among us but they are not of us. They eat, sleep and breed just like ordinary humans. But at some magic moment — between the time, say, a movie script wanders into the hands of a world-class celebutard such as George Clooney, and the words travel through lilting vocal chords to land on unsuspecting ears, something terrible occurs. They start to believe in their own ignorance.

A dull thinker such as Madonna becomes, in her mind and in the eyes of devoted fans, a self-appointed sage. Veritable moron Rosie O’Donnell transforms from a shrill, gay mom into a rocket scientist. Sean Penn boldly breaks bread with tyrants and enemies of his own country, vapid pop singer Sheryl Crow calls for rationing toilet paper to one sheet per sitting, and earth avenger Al Gore forgets he lost an election. Give a celebutard a microphone and a little encouragement, and suddenly, without warning, that talented performer says and does things that are really, incredibly, grotesquely dumb.

The term celebutard is believed to have first appeared in the New York Post’s Page Six gossip column, as a compound of celebrity, debutante, and retard. The word is not meant to denigrate those struggling either with youth or with genuine mental challenges. On the contrary, it is a term of art used to describe lazy and egotistical thinkers, stars equipped with abundant money, fame, idle hours and yes-men, who feel secure enough in their own influence and intelligence to create insane foreign or domestic policy in their spare time. It is a choice, rather than an affliction.

In an age in which fabulousness is too often mistaken for gravitas, we must be vigilant. Know the difference between philosophers and blowhards, between Soren Kierkegaard and Susan Sarandon. Know your celebutards.

In this book, you will find subjects familiar to readers of my column in the New York Post (Hillary, Paris), and also those who’ve lately leaped onto the national radar by demonstrating an allergic reaction to ordinary moral sense (Laurie David, the mansion-dwelling, SUV hating, ex-wife of Larry.)

Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! At no time since the creation of the celebustocracy has the condition been more evident, more frightening, or more psychically painful than in the case of that grandiose mental midget, the reigning King of the Celebutards, the actor Sean Penn.

For more read on. . .

[TheMercenary]

Heh!

[Shawnee123]

So celebutards are just like Dwellars, only with more notoriety.

[TheMercenary]

Classic, they forgot Huffington too.

[TheMercenary]

And then there was Jessica Alba.

http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.eonline.com/80980-

[Griff]

Let's not forget Hassleback.

[Urbane Guerrilla]

Moneyed and vapid... like they said in The Green Mile, "That's a bad combination."

Poor Paris Hilton. She probably doesn't know to this day how revealing her, uh, book was. Nor how unflattering. It shows within any two pages selected at random that here is a person demonstrating in black and white that her intellectual development and her ability at self expression came grinding to a halt at about fifteen.

[Aliantha]

You read a book written by Paris Hilton????

[Urbane Guerrilla]

Two consecutive pages of it, yeah. The rest would have been the same -- and where would I have gone to get that hour of my lifespan returned to me? Unlike dear Paris, I ain't that stupid. I never even found out if it went on the remainder tables.

[Aliantha]

But what were you doing with it? Did you go out and buy it or what? lol I can't think of anyone who'd do such a thing...unless it had pictures maybe, but even then, you can get cheaper and better porn elsewhere.

[Urbane Guerrilla]

Confessions of an Heiress, if I remember. Definitely not literature for the ages, and the title was maybe the most suggestive thing about it. Yeah, pictures, and big ones. Of course I didn't buy the thing, not when there's an entire Barnes & Noble surrounding me! There it was on the table; I opened a copy at random, and saw about what I expected to see. Even if P.H. had ghostwriter help -- I feel sorry for the ghostwriter trying to make something worth the time out of that material -- nothing could relieve the vapidity of P.H.'s writing.

Rule*34 does have a lot of good porn -- and all the Photoshopped images of Paris Hilton a strong stomach could take -- but Sturgeon's Law applies there as much as elsewhere, and all the more for the Ten-Percent Rule of Pornography: that for any given viewer, only a tenth of what's there will be hawwwwwt.

[Aliantha]

lol...well at least my impression of you is not totally shot now.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by Urbane Guerrilla

Two consecutive pages of it, yeah. The rest would have been the same -- and where would I have gone to get that hour of my lifespan returned to me?

It took you two hours to read two pages by Paris Hilton? lol C'mon!

[sugarpop]

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

And then there was Jessica Alba.

http://movies.yahoo.com/news/movies.eonline.com/80980-

Oh good grief. Not you too.

[TheMercenary]