Cry for help?

xoxoxoBruce · 04-19-2003, 08:53 AM

Last night my best friend. who's only 51, made a disquieting statement. He said if he could pick the best 30 days of his life (I believe he meant individual rather than consecutive) and could live them again, he would then happily die. I realize this is a pretty despondent view of the future but I wonder if it would be good or bad deal?

Undertoad · 04-19-2003, 09:48 AM

Bad deal. The meaning of life is in the struggle, not the peaks.

The disquieting part, I suppose, is thinking that there aren't 30 more such best days ahead.

Whit · 04-19-2003, 10:12 AM

     Yeah, life has to be about what happens next. I like to talk about my glory days as much as the next guy. Still I wouldn't want to go back to it again at the cost of not seeing my kids on a regular basis.
     Sounds like maybe he needs to find some new interests. I know that the time will come that I won't be able to train the way I do now. I'll do something else then. Yeah, it can be tough to let go of what you have been doing, and harder to find something else that you would enjoy equally. It still has to be done.
     Maybe you can help him find something new. I don't know what else to suggest.

juju · 04-19-2003, 10:35 AM

I've been depressed, so I know what this is like. Not being depressed is a state of mind. Bad things and good things will happen in anyone's life; it's a certainty. You've got to remember to cherish and rever the good things while brushing off the bad things and not letting them get to you.

I recommend checking your internal dialog. You know all those things you say to yourself in your head while life happens on the outside? You may not even notice you're doing it. Pay attention to it, it's important. When you realize your inner voice has said something negative, like, "God that was stupid of me. I'm such an idiot!" -- check yourself. Reevaluate that thought. You may not even remember that internal dialogue the next day, but it <i>does</i> affect you in profound ways.

jaguar · 04-19-2003, 09:22 PM

Sage advice juju

Torrere · 04-20-2003, 12:36 AM

I do that all the time, juju.

What should I do?

juju · 04-20-2003, 01:13 AM

Thanks, Jag. :)

What do you mean, Torrere, negative internal dialog? Well, the idea is to realize when you're doing it. Some have suggested that every time you realize you've had such a thought, you should say something positive in order to counteract it. Try to break yourself of that habit. Because each time you kick yourself psychologially, you may only lose a very tiny amount of your self-confidence. But it does add up over time. And the idea is basically to just stop doing it.

Torrere · 04-20-2003, 12:17 PM

Ah.

I had been assuming that a better method would be to coerce myself into no longer needing to kick myself: this is to tell myself that I erred and hopefully I won't do it again. (It doesn't always work out so well ='/). However, past is past and that's worthy of remembering. Kicking oneself too much for a past mistake (not doing something when one should have -- not having enough self confidence) is not productive.

So perhaps you are correct, and more self-confidence is something I should coerce myself into having.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-23-2003, 04:39 PM

I want to thank you all for your thoughts. I'll transcribe them on to a two by four and smack him up side the head.

04-19-2003, 08:53 AM	#1
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Cry for help? Last night my best friend. who's only 51, made a disquieting statement. He said if he could pick the best 30 days of his life (I believe he meant individual rather than consecutive) and could live them again, he would then happily die. I realize this is a pretty despondent view of the future but I wonder if it would be good or bad deal? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-19-2003, 10:12 AM	#3
Whit Umm ... yeah. Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Arkansas, USA Posts: 949	Yeah, life has to be about what happens next. I like to talk about my glory days as much as the next guy. Still I wouldn't want to go back to it again at the cost of not seeing my kids on a regular basis.      Sounds like maybe he needs to find some new interests. I know that the time will come that I won't be able to train the way I do now. I'll do something else then. Yeah, it can be tough to let go of what you have been doing, and harder to find something else that you would enjoy equally. It still has to be done.      Maybe you can help him find something new. I don't know what else to suggest. __________________ A friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move a body.

04-19-2003, 09:22 PM	#5
jaguar whig Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 5,075	Sage advice juju __________________ Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Twain

04-23-2003, 04:39 PM	#9
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I want to thank you all for your thoughts. I'll transcribe them on to a two by four and smack him up side the head. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-19-2003, 09:48 AM	#2
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Bad deal. The meaning of life is in the struggle, not the peaks. The disquieting part, I suppose, is thinking that there aren't 30 more such best days ahead.

04-19-2003, 10:35 AM	#4
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	I've been depressed, so I know what this is like. Not being depressed is a state of mind. Bad things and good things will happen in anyone's life; it's a certainty. You've got to remember to cherish and rever the good things while brushing off the bad things and not letting them get to you. I recommend checking your internal dialog. You know all those things you say to yourself in your head while life happens on the outside? You may not even notice you're doing it. Pay attention to it, it's important. When you realize your inner voice has said something negative, like, "God that was stupid of me. I'm such an idiot!" -- check yourself. Reevaluate that thought. You may not even remember that internal dialogue the next day, but it <i>does</i> affect you in profound ways.

04-20-2003, 12:36 AM	#6
Torrere a real smartass Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Kirkland, WA Posts: 1,121	I do that all the time, juju. What should I do?

04-20-2003, 01:13 AM	#7
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Thanks, Jag. :) What do you mean, Torrere, negative internal dialog? Well, the idea is to realize when you're doing it. Some have suggested that every time you realize you've had such a thought, you should say something positive in order to counteract it. Try to break yourself of that habit. Because each time you kick yourself psychologially, you may only lose a very tiny amount of your self-confidence. But it does add up over time. And the idea is basically to just stop doing it.

04-20-2003, 12:17 PM	#8
Torrere a real smartass Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Kirkland, WA Posts: 1,121	Ah. I had been assuming that a better method would be to coerce myself into no longer needing to kick myself: this is to tell myself that I erred and hopefully I won't do it again. (It doesn't always work out so well ='/). However, past is past and that's worthy of remembering. Kicking oneself too much for a past mistake (not doing something when one should have -- not having enough self confidence) is not productive. So perhaps you are correct, and more self-confidence is something I should coerce myself into having.

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