spanking or not?

SandraC · 02-10-2004, 02:28 PM

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in on the subject.

I am a mom of 2 kids, I have a almost 17 yr old son and an almost 4 yr old little girl. My son is from my first marriage, which ended after 2 or so years. I raised him from about 3 to 9 yrs alone. I tried very hard to not spank, as I was trying to make up for the father not being in his life. I was one of those moms who gave him any and everything and for the most part spoiled him unconditionally.
Now comes a new marriage and a new baby. After raising my son without spankings I now see the problem that arises out of that type of situation. My son is not a bad kid and has never been in any trouble, but he does lack the knowledge of knowing when I mean business and when he can slide with something.
I decided upon having the baby girl that I would use spankings as a end resort if other things didnt work. I have only had to spank her a few times, but I can honestly say that I should have been spanking my son thru the years. I see the difference in the two of them now and realize that if I had brought my son up with knowing he would recieve spankings if he didnt do as he was told It would have worked out better for him in the long run.
I want both of my children to respect discipline and authorities and want them both to know that there is always going to be rules and laws that they have to follow or they will have to suffer the consequences.

I would add that I dont agree with severe beatings or spankings and I dont agree with spankings being done in public. But I do think the school systems have gone way too far in telling our children that they should call 911 if they are being hit by their parents. Many years ago my son threatened me that if I ever spanked him that he would call 911 on me. I was furious with the school! But recently I heard a comedian say about this very subject: Thats fine you can call 911 IF you can make it to the phone LOL LOL I thought that was too funny!!!

:p :p

lumberjim · 02-10-2004, 02:59 PM

welcome, sandra.

You have a unique perspective on this subject, and i appreciate your honesty in your self assessmant concerning the way you raised your older son, and what you'd have done differently. I think there is a general consensus that it's more the point of the spanking than the actual pain. Inflicting pain on your child out of spite or revenge for bad deeds IS abuse, but when used sparingly to illustrate where the line is, I feel that it is essential.

Granted that it only works, as Whit, Zippy, and I have stated, if done ultra-consistantly. you can't let them by because t is inconvenient to immediately punish them... So, while you excepted doing this in public, I'm not so sure about that. If the kids realizes that he/she can play you when there are other adults around, than, he may play you when there are other adults around. Maybe you need to remove the child from the public and administer the whoopin.

ps....there is already a thread that this topic is being discussed in called "discipline" you should post replies there instead of a new thread

jim

ladysycamore · 02-11-2004, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SandraC
But recently I heard a comedian say about this very subject: Thats fine you can call 911 IF you can make it to the phone LOL LOL I thought that was too funny!!!

:p :p

Heh! It's either that or "Go ahead, call them. I'll give you a good reason to call them!"

OnyxCougar · 02-13-2004, 11:43 PM

Before he actually DID call them, I used to say, "Better call the ambulance first."

sandshoecrusher · 07-21-2007, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SandraC

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in on the subject.

I am a mom of 2 kids, I have a almost 17 yr old son and an almost 4 yr old little girl. My son is from my first marriage, which ended after 2 or so years. I raised him from about 3 to 9 yrs alone. I tried very hard to not spank, as I was trying to make up for the father not being in his life. I was one of those moms who gave him any and everything and for the most part spoiled him unconditionally.
Now comes a new marriage and a new baby. After raising my son without spankings I now see the problem that arises out of that type of situation. My son is not a bad kid and has never been in any trouble, but he does lack the knowledge of knowing when I mean business and when he can slide with something.
I decided upon having the baby girl that I would use spankings as a end resort if other things didnt work. I have only had to spank her a few times, but I can honestly say that I should have been spanking my son thru the years. I see the difference in the two of them now and realize that if I had brought my son up with knowing he would recieve spankings if he didnt do as he was told It would have worked out better for him in the long run.
I want both of my children to respect discipline and authorities and want them both to know that there is always going to be rules and laws that they have to follow or they will have to suffer the consequences.

I would add that I dont agree with severe beatings or spankings and I dont agree with spankings being done in public. But I do think the school systems have gone way too far in telling our children that they should call 911 if they are being hit by their parents. Many years ago my son threatened me that if I ever spanked him that he would call 911 on me. I was furious with the school! But recently I heard a comedian say about this very subject: Thats fine you can call 911 IF you can make it to the phone LOL LOL I thought that was too funny!!!

:p :p

xoxoxoBruce · 07-21-2007, 08:39 AM

And your comment is?

sandshoecrusher · 07-21-2007, 09:43 AM

I read with interest regarding smacking of children. It is an extremely touchy subject. When I was a child growing up in Australia my mum never hesitated giving me and my brother a good belting if she thought we deserved it and she was never hit us half hearted either. She would later explain to me what we did wrong and give us a cuddle after. So my brother and I learnt how to respect authority and other people by mostly a few choice words and the odd belting off our dear old mum. And we both still love her.

My brother and I both turned out to be ok, we both have worked hard and have families of our own now and ironically we have both never hit our children and they are all good young people and will be decent citizens when they become adults.

I can't explain it, it was normal practice to smack your child 20 years ago but today it is frowned on. Children can grow up to be decent people without getting smacked provided they understand that mum and dad are the boss and good parents will drum into their children about love, respect and honour themselves and others.

It is funny you mention about schools encouraging children to call the authorities if they are smacked by their parents. When my brother and I grew up in the 1970's and 80's in Australia it was standard practice for schools to dish out punishment to the students if they didn't tow the line. I'll never forget "6 of the best" with the leather strap (3 on each hand) in front of the whole class. And you never ever cried in front of your peers no matter how much it stung. It was always the quickest way to earn respect from your mates. The bamboo stick across the hands or behind the legs was another popular method of torture the teachers used to employ. Luckily for the students corporal punishment was outlawed in 1986.

Was their corporal punishment in US schools?

Stormieweather · 07-21-2007, 10:46 AM

In my home, I teach that physical and verbal violence is wrong. That there is always another, more intelligent way to resolve differences. If I were then to turn around and HIT my kids, I am contradicting my own teachings and sending them mixed messages.

So I am creative where discipline is concerned. I often use scut work (scrubbing a moldy/mildew'y section of pavement or cleaning out the gutters, for example) or loss/earning of priviledges. I'll unplug your internet, take away your Nintendo DS, disconnect your phone....or give you 2 hours game time, or some special activity together to either reward or discipline my kids. I do not have problems with them for the most part. My 10yr old has some issues resulting from visitation with her dysfunctional dad (my ex), but thats to be expected to some degree. Mostly, she is a good kid. My 19yr old son does not drink, smoke, or do drugs. He has finished high school, has full time employment and is consistantly respectful towards me. My 2yr old is well behaved, sweet, helpful and obedient.

In short, my kids obey me and the law out of respect, consideration and love, not fear (of being hit).

Stormie

theotherguy · 07-21-2007, 10:53 AM

We have found that spanking really does not work on our son. He just carries on with life. However, if we take a way a car (he has so many of them, but knows if any one is missing) he will straighten up right away.

We did try spanking a few times, but it just didn't accomplish what we needed. We are not opposed to it. We were both spanked - appropriately I might add - and still love and respect our parents very much. I just think different things work for different kids.

My brother has a couple that must be spanked to get any results. The other two only require some time in the corner to get the desired results.

I think you have to start out with the least harshest of punishments and work your way up (or down) to find what works best with your child.

Sundae · 07-21-2007, 10:55 AM

I honestly don't think the type of discipline used matters as much as the fact that discipline is used, and is seen to be consistent and fair.

Obviously I don't agree that beating children is acceptable, but I don't see a great deal of difference between using the naughty step/ corner and a swat on the backside as long as both are proceeded by a warning and ended with an apology (from the child) and forgiveness from the parent.

I did smile at the idea that your discipline has prevented your 19yo from smoking, drinking or doing drugs though Stormie. By that standard I'd have to say the vast majority of Dwellars had undisciplined childhoods

Kudos to you for doing a good job of course.

Stormieweather · 07-21-2007, 10:59 AM

LOL Sundae Girl...I meant more that he is a responsible young man, and all of the above at his age are illegal. He may very well drink once he comes of age, that is up to him, but in the meantime, I won't tolerate him breaking any laws (or my house rules).

Sundae · 07-21-2007, 11:02 AM

Of course - I forgot that you have different age restrictions in the US (excepting drugs of course!)

I would rather die than smoke or take drugs around my parents, so I do know what you mean.

DanaC · 07-21-2007, 03:58 PM

I'd just like to register my extreme disappointment at this thread. I was expecting something much saucier.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-21-2007, 04:23 PM

Well Dana, I'll spank your's if you'll spank mine.

DanaC · 07-21-2007, 04:34 PM

K now we talkin!

02-10-2004, 02:28 PM	#1
SandraC Kinda New Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: NC Posts: 1	spanking or not? Just wanted to put my 2 cents in on the subject. I am a mom of 2 kids, I have a almost 17 yr old son and an almost 4 yr old little girl. My son is from my first marriage, which ended after 2 or so years. I raised him from about 3 to 9 yrs alone. I tried very hard to not spank, as I was trying to make up for the father not being in his life. I was one of those moms who gave him any and everything and for the most part spoiled him unconditionally. Now comes a new marriage and a new baby. After raising my son without spankings I now see the problem that arises out of that type of situation. My son is not a bad kid and has never been in any trouble, but he does lack the knowledge of knowing when I mean business and when he can slide with something. I decided upon having the baby girl that I would use spankings as a end resort if other things didnt work. I have only had to spank her a few times, but I can honestly say that I should have been spanking my son thru the years. I see the difference in the two of them now and realize that if I had brought my son up with knowing he would recieve spankings if he didnt do as he was told It would have worked out better for him in the long run. I want both of my children to respect discipline and authorities and want them both to know that there is always going to be rules and laws that they have to follow or they will have to suffer the consequences. I would add that I dont agree with severe beatings or spankings and I dont agree with spankings being done in public. But I do think the school systems have gone way too far in telling our children that they should call 911 if they are being hit by their parents. Many years ago my son threatened me that if I ever spanked him that he would call 911 on me. I was furious with the school! But recently I heard a comedian say about this very subject: Thats fine you can call 911 IF you can make it to the phone LOL LOL I thought that was too funny!!! :p :p __________________ SamiC It's all fun & games till someone loses an eye!

02-10-2004, 02:59 PM	#2
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	welcome, sandra. You have a unique perspective on this subject, and i appreciate your honesty in your self assessmant concerning the way you raised your older son, and what you'd have done differently. I think there is a general consensus that it's more the point of the spanking than the actual pain. Inflicting pain on your child out of spite or revenge for bad deeds IS abuse, but when used sparingly to illustrate where the line is, I feel that it is essential. Granted that it only works, as Whit, Zippy, and I have stated, if done ultra-consistantly. you can't let them by because t is inconvenient to immediately punish them... So, while you excepted doing this in public, I'm not so sure about that. If the kids realizes that he/she can play you when there are other adults around, than, he may play you when there are other adults around. Maybe you need to remove the child from the public and administer the whoopin. ps....there is already a thread that this topic is being discussed in called "discipline" you should post replies there instead of a new thread jim __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

07-21-2007, 08:39 AM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	And your comment is? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-21-2007, 10:46 AM	#8
Stormieweather Wearing her bitch boots Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Floriduh Posts: 1,181	In my home, I teach that physical and verbal violence is wrong. That there is always another, more intelligent way to resolve differences. If I were then to turn around and HIT my kids, I am contradicting my own teachings and sending them mixed messages. So I am creative where discipline is concerned. I often use scut work (scrubbing a moldy/mildew'y section of pavement or cleaning out the gutters, for example) or loss/earning of priviledges. I'll unplug your internet, take away your Nintendo DS, disconnect your phone....or give you 2 hours game time, or some special activity together to either reward or discipline my kids. I do not have problems with them for the most part. My 10yr old has some issues resulting from visitation with her dysfunctional dad (my ex), but thats to be expected to some degree. Mostly, she is a good kid. My 19yr old son does not drink, smoke, or do drugs. He has finished high school, has full time employment and is consistantly respectful towards me. My 2yr old is well behaved, sweet, helpful and obedient. In short, my kids obey me and the law out of respect, consideration and love, not fear (of being hit). Stormie __________________ "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi

07-21-2007, 10:53 AM	#9
theotherguy no not that other guy, the other one Join Date: May 2007 Location: TN Posts: 640	We have found that spanking really does not work on our son. He just carries on with life. However, if we take a way a car (he has so many of them, but knows if any one is missing) he will straighten up right away. We did try spanking a few times, but it just didn't accomplish what we needed. We are not opposed to it. We were both spanked - appropriately I might add - and still love and respect our parents very much. I just think different things work for different kids. My brother has a couple that must be spanked to get any results. The other two only require some time in the corner to get the desired results. I think you have to start out with the least harshest of punishments and work your way up (or down) to find what works best with your child. __________________ I should be working.

02-13-2004, 11:43 PM	#4
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	Before he actually DID call them, I used to say, "Better call the ambulance first."

07-21-2007, 09:43 AM	#7
sandshoecrusher Person Who Has Posted Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2	I read with interest regarding smacking of children. It is an extremely touchy subject. When I was a child growing up in Australia my mum never hesitated giving me and my brother a good belting if she thought we deserved it and she was never hit us half hearted either. She would later explain to me what we did wrong and give us a cuddle after. So my brother and I learnt how to respect authority and other people by mostly a few choice words and the odd belting off our dear old mum. And we both still love her. My brother and I both turned out to be ok, we both have worked hard and have families of our own now and ironically we have both never hit our children and they are all good young people and will be decent citizens when they become adults. I can't explain it, it was normal practice to smack your child 20 years ago but today it is frowned on. Children can grow up to be decent people without getting smacked provided they understand that mum and dad are the boss and good parents will drum into their children about love, respect and honour themselves and others. It is funny you mention about schools encouraging children to call the authorities if they are smacked by their parents. When my brother and I grew up in the 1970's and 80's in Australia it was standard practice for schools to dish out punishment to the students if they didn't tow the line. I'll never forget "6 of the best" with the leather strap (3 on each hand) in front of the whole class. And you never ever cried in front of your peers no matter how much it stung. It was always the quickest way to earn respect from your mates. The bamboo stick across the hands or behind the legs was another popular method of torture the teachers used to employ. Luckily for the students corporal punishment was outlawed in 1986. Was their corporal punishment in US schools?

07-21-2007, 10:55 AM	#10
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I honestly don't think the type of discipline used matters as much as the fact that discipline is used, and is seen to be consistent and fair. Obviously I don't agree that beating children is acceptable, but I don't see a great deal of difference between using the naughty step/ corner and a swat on the backside as long as both are proceeded by a warning and ended with an apology (from the child) and forgiveness from the parent. I did smile at the idea that your discipline has prevented your 19yo from smoking, drinking or doing drugs though Stormie. By that standard I'd have to say the vast majority of Dwellars had undisciplined childhoods Kudos to you for doing a good job of course. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

07-21-2007, 10:59 AM	#11
Stormieweather Wearing her bitch boots Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Floriduh Posts: 1,181	LOL Sundae Girl...I meant more that he is a responsible young man, and all of the above at his age are illegal. He may very well drink once he comes of age, that is up to him, but in the meantime, I won't tolerate him breaking any laws (or my house rules). __________________ "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi

07-21-2007, 11:02 AM	#12
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Of course - I forgot that you have different age restrictions in the US (excepting drugs of course!) I would rather die than smoke or take drugs around my parents, so I do know what you mean. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

07-21-2007, 03:58 PM	#13
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	I'd just like to register my extreme disappointment at this thread. I was expecting something much saucier.

07-21-2007, 04:23 PM	#14
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Well Dana, I'll spank your's if you'll spank mine. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-21-2007, 04:34 PM	#15
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	K now we talkin!

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