A quick booze cruise

[lookout123]

My sister is in town for a few weeks from Korea, so my wife decided that the three of us should take a quick cruise in celebration of her visit and my wife's birthday (yesterday). We took the booze-alicious Friday - Monday cruise from Long Beach, CA to Ensenada, Me hi co.

5:00 friday morning I was trying to check our bags. we had the right to take 6 checked bags weighing a total of 300 lbs. i packed how we normally do so we ended up with only 2 bags. YIPPEE! unfortunately, we had a bad ticket counter agent, who I will call ignorant rude bitch, because - well, it fits her very well. the bag that weighed 23 lbs was good to go, so good in fact, that she took it and threw it on the belt, before i had a chance to weigh the second bag. bad move. it was 53 lbs. in case you don't know, checked items have a maximum weight of 50lbs. trust me, i know this fact very well now. she looks up and asks how i will be taking care of the $50 weight penalty. i stated that i would just put 3lbs of things into the other bag which i could still see sliding away. she said that she didn't have time to walk 8 ft to get the bag. i asked her please. she said she didn't have time to walk 9 ft to get the bag. i said please again. she turned around and said i don't have time to walk 10 ft to get the bag. i acknowledged how busy she was, seeing how we were the only people in line and she had an assistant sitting in a chair watching the events. she said ok, and took two steps before saying "i'm sorry sir, i'm not allowed to retrieve luggage that has crossed that white line - now, how would you like to pay the $50 penalty?" my heart said "kill the bitch", my mouth said "with wonderful service like this, i can't believe that even us locals refuse to fly our hometown airline if there is any other choice - now, how is that merger going to affect your job?"

now a line had formed. i left my wife standing at the counter while i went to the gift shop and purchased an $8.00 children's backpack. i transferred 2 pairs of shoes from the suitcase to the backpack and informed her that i had apparently forgotten about my third piece of checked luggage. she was pissed. i wished her a good day and good luck with the job restructuring.

our flight to LAX was uneventful, we collected our luggage and went to our prepaid shuttle service location. our assigned driver wasn't happy about taking being assigned to us for some reason and chose to circle LAX 5 freaking times before giving up on finding one more person to fill up the shuttle. why? i don't know - it is all a prepaid service and 1 person who tips a few bucks extra is probably less profitable than making the 20 minute run and picking up a whole new load of people. whatever.

we are driving. and driving. and driving past the docks which i recognize from the past. the we drive. then we drive past them again. the we drive. then we drive past them again. I ask why. he yells that the road is closed. "i mention that the sign said "closed for THROUGH traffic" only. he disagrees, so we drive. then we drive past it again. i ask him that rather than wait for them to remove the sign before we pull in, that maybe he could pull in, and ask the security guard what his options were. he disagrees, so we drive on. the last time around he pulls over and asks if we would mind walking. he wasn't thrilled when i said, "no dice, ask the cop if we can pull through." this time he did and, of course, the cop said to pull right up to the drop off point. the twenty minute trip took... 67 minutes. dumbass.

11AM we are returning cruisers so we didn't have to stand in the long ass line for 3-4 hours. we did a pre-check in and waited for them to call us. the Corona was cold so it was ok.

2PM we get to our cabin and here is where i should mention that i am a pretty casual relaxed guy about most things. personal hygiene and cleanliness is not one of those things, however. being fairly picky about bodily fluids and the like i had to call the cabin steward and ask him for a linen set and comforter that did not have an, um, VERY fresh, large cumspot surrounded by pubes on top of it. he was very embarrassed and apologetic and asked if he could have twenty minutes to reclean the whole cabin. i liked him. very very nice guy. and besides the bar was close and the Corona was cold.

Friday night at dinner we sat with nice young couple. ever meet one of those couples that you take one look and think "WTF?" then you've met them. this guy was a freaking latino beauty. my own wife leaned over and said she would "do him." thanks dear. but he was very attractive and intelligent and mannered. his wife was...not. she never stopped talking even when her food was spewing forth. her favorite conversation point was that she was on this great new diet where she hardly ate at all anymore because her appetite was next to nil. she continued to tell us about this diet through her third entree, and you guessed it - a bacardi and DIET cola. whatever. they were nice at least, and the Corona was cold.

Saturday. Ensenada. we've been there before so we skipped the tours and went straight to a restaurant that we like. nothing great, but good. and safe. the doormen keep the peddlers away from tables while we eat. and the Corona was cold.

about 12:30 we wandered across the street to Pappas and Beers, the destination of pretty much every non-prostitute seeking partier in Ensenada. we've been there before so we went to a likely spot, got a table, ate some chips and had a beverage or two. around 1:00 is when the partiers showed up. a mother with her maybe 18 year old daughter promptly purchases the daughter her first shot. i should mention that the "shot" is a tumbler sized glass of Tequila. it is full. they don't just put it on the table and walk away. a large man grabs the girl, plays at her breasts flicks her nipples, bends her over and tugs her short skirt down just enough to expose a nice rump with a V-string attached. he then simulates riding her rough, slaps her ass, stand her back up and pours the drink down her throat then shakes her head, blows his whistle and twirls her for a couple of flips in the air before setting her on her feet. congratulations - there is your shot. that is what they do at that bar. of course, that starts things going and all the partiers are getting their shots in. another mother who is with that group lines her daughter and her five, 18-21 year old friends up for body shots. i don't know if setting your daughter up for body shots while strangers are taking photos and video of all the beautiful young skin is considered good parenting, but it was funny to watch. welcome to mexico. we were having a blast, laughing at them, enjoying the show, and drinking cold Corona. 3 pm is the wet t-shirt contest. YEAH! my wife came in second. what happens in mexico stays in... and all that jazz. first place was one of the 18 year olds. bummer. my sister was horrified. i was just thankful that i have such a gorgeous, fun wife.

5PM we are back on the ship, getting dressed for formal night. good dinner. good fun. back and forth between the casino, comedy shows, and the dance clubs until 4AM. no Coronas tonight. Martini time.

Sunday 10AM front of the ship for what must have been 50-60 dolphins playing in the wake. it is our day at sea. the sun is hidden, but there is still plenty of pool side fun. the Corona was blessedly cold.

6PM we are dressed up for our final dinner but decide to catch the vegas style dance show first. I was very pleasantly surprised at how good it was. dinner was good. after dinner, on to the piano bar. a gentleman who really did sound exactly like Billy Joel entertained us with Karaoke until he drank one too many, started changing lyrics, his wife got embarrassed at the replacement words, and wifey dragged him out.

12 AM we decide to finish up the night in the aft lounge, with some quiet instrumental jazz. My sister was pestered by a couple of drunk younglings until she told them how old she was. although she still looks 16, she is not. they went away. The music was fine, my sister was funny, my wife was beautiful, and the Corona was cold. I am a lucky, lucky man.