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Parenting Bringing up the shorties so they aren't completely messed up

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Old 12-24-2005, 12:02 PM   #1
cjjulie
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Mean Girls

My Daughter, Clara, is 11 years old and not a girly girl at all. She has one good friend in school, Sydney, and would rather hang out with the boys (which is fine by me). She just 'discovered' her friend Sydney last year in 5th grade. The teachers were even so thrilled they found each other that they made a point to keep them together for this year.

So you can pretty much grasp that she is not the most popular girl amongst the other girls. She has never voiced a problem with that and I never sensed a problem. She is pretty much fine with doing her own thing and she is intelligent enough to realize 1 good friend is FAR better than a bunch of meza meza friends.

There is this one girl who I believe is very jealous of Clara and is therefore being very mean to her. (in a sixth grade sense) I've talked to the school counselor. she said she would talk to Clara and give her some strategies on dealing with this type of situation, but Clara has found it to be VERY scary.

does anyone have any suggestions?
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Old 12-24-2005, 12:33 PM   #2
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What's the "mean" girl doing?

I came to an understanding early that "age-mate" and "peer" are not the same thing.

My strategy for surviving adolescence as the unpopular kid that was smarter than everybody else was to basically ignore everybody else. I developed ways to be comfortable with myself. I know I am responsible for myself and the things that I do, it's not the fault of anybody else I have contact with. I am responsible for the good things that happen to me, and I recognize my hand in the messes that I occasionally find myself in, and know that I have the ability to do something about it. My self-worth is not based upon what others think of me. Of course, those who say good things are right, and those who say bad things are either wrong or jealous.

If I let that shit get to me I wouldn't have made it past 12, much less be a relatively functional adult.

I had books and television instead of friends. I eventually got some friends.
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Old 12-24-2005, 07:53 PM   #3
cjjulie
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She is doing stupid shit like cutting in line, sitting next to her and telling her what to do and the such. But the problem is when Clara does the same type of thing to her she (Clara) gets in trouble and the little bitch comes off smelling like a rose. Funny but sitting here typing this now at 40 sounds so petty but I remember being 11 and it being anything but petty....

Your right Wolf, I also learned that I was better than they but on the way I was also hurt. I just want to protect my daughter from that crap.

What I really want to do is either go to school and pop the little bitch right in the face, but I know it is her parents lack of parenting....therefore popping the parents would be more satisfying but not productive...
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Old 12-24-2005, 10:16 PM   #4
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You don't want to protect your daughter from that crap. She's better off learning this stuff at 12 a bit at a time than discovering it in the workplace at 26. It's like a vaccination, controlled exposure, if it doesn't kill you makes you stronger, or at least more pissed off.

My daughter is a tough 16; her friends come and go.
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Old 12-25-2005, 12:29 AM   #5
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You can't protect her without damaging her in different ways.
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Old 12-25-2005, 12:56 AM   #6
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Kids Hafe to bang there heads against the wall to figuer out what and who they are !!!!
It is painfull to watch some times , but you MUST let them figuer theese things out for them selfs . Sit back and offer advice as need be , try not to laugh or cry to much , it is for there own good !!!!!
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Old 12-25-2005, 12:58 AM   #7
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Kids can be very cruel. When I was 13, my Momster took it into her head that I should be pulled out of public school and go to a private one. I hated this idea but had little choice in the matter. In 7th grade at the public school, I had my own little group of nerdy girls that I hung out with. We were all pretty smart, we wore glasses and we were into music and played in the school band. So we weren't part of the pre-cheer leader bunch. We couldn't have cared less.

Eighth grade, I found myself in a Luthern sponsored school with a bunch of fundamentalist kids who had all attended school together there since kindergarten. I was the new girl and I was already an agnostic at age 13. To say I did not fit in is putting it mildly. My Dad who was the parent I always had a special connect with was ordered overseas to Vietnam at around the same time. I was one very unhappy kid. For the first half of the school year, I allowed the other kids to demoralize me. I eventually got fed up with it, however, and started giving back as good or better than what I got. The little fundie reptiles finally backed off when I started standing up for myself and by 9 th grade, I was hanging out with two of the more popular girls in my class. Then my father came home and interceded for me and I got to go back to public high school and spend the remainder of my high school years with the nerdy kids in the band again. Happy ever after.

You can't fight your daughter's battles for her. What you can do is be a warm, supportive loving Mom. She'll eventually work it out, painful as it is for you both right now.
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Old 12-26-2005, 05:22 PM   #8
bluecuracao
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rock Steady
You don't want to protect your daughter from that crap. She's better off learning this stuff at 12 a bit at a time than discovering it in the workplace at 26.
Totally agree. There are mean girls--and boys--to be encountered throughout life. The sooner she learns how to deal with them, the better she'll be able to kick ass as an adult!
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