Quite Please

[lizzymahoney]

Take off your shoes and socks. Clip your toenails and save the pieces. Make little smiley face arrangements on your desk with them.

Ask that he repeat everything since you are only listening with half an ear. When he says "What!?", ask him to repeat that.

Compliment his choice of underwear.

Take a ketchup or mustard packet from your desk and squirt it on piece of paper. Fingerpaint idly while he's talking. Extra credit for vulgar images.

Rap loudly and openly on your desk. Ask him if he heard that. Then say you have to check the door or the mail. Get up and leave.

Keep a length of cord in your desk. Fashion a hangman's noose. When you are done making it, wave the noose and tell him his time is up.

Use an egg timer.

Take a vitamin C tablet out and crush it on the desk. Cut the big pieces with a sharp knife or razor blade. Pick a straw out of the garbage and offer him a toot.

I actually had a boss who used this one with people who made their comments too slowly: Keep working and move one hand in a forward rolling circle as if to say, "keep moving keep up keep going you blithering idiot". You might try the words, too, but if you are proficient at it, the gesture is sufficient.