What is Love?

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

not really addressing the thread, I was thinking about this, and it seems like something we learn in life is the person who loves more has less power in the relationship

and it is up to the person with more power to never take advantage of that.

thinking more about this post...


I don't really see the connection between your statement and the quote. I included that quote because it reinforces the message that love is an act, not an intent. Nothing to do with who has more 'power' or who is taking advantage of it...

She was addressing the way I have tried to substitute my intentions for my actions. I say I want us to be together forever, but I did unconscious things that belied that desire. I want to be thin, but I did still eat at Burger King. She sees very clearly (because I've done so repeatedly) that I am capable of making very grandiose and poignant statements of love and commitment. She has also seen me behave in a way that contradict those statements enough times to realize that I tend to forget those promises eventually.

If I would Kill a Dragon for her, why the hell wouldn't I do something as mundane as sticking to a diet?

At this point, i think it was because I unconsciously wanted to feed my addictions more than I consciously wanted to be loving, attentive, desirable and lovable. That may or may not be at the root of what needs to be changed inside me.... but it definitely needs to be changed. My intent and my actions have been at odds. This had the added impact of causing my wife to wonder WHY. WHY would I NOT want to be loving more than i want to (eat/drink/sneak)? All i can say is that it is my damage, not hers, and I am very ashamed that my actions caused her that kind of pain and self doubt.

My inner view and self discipline had become nearly nonexistent. I have always struggled with discipline. Hopefully this experience and shock will help me to make a lasting change to the way I prioritize my life and how clearly I see myself. To be capable of demonstrating my love, I must be aware of the things I do, and consistent in what I say about the way I feel. I need to be accountable in my actions for the words I use.

Sorry to be such a one trick pony lately, but this is pretty much all that's on my mind. I think it helps me to organize my thoughts when I write things like this out.