Kids and the Internet

[Ibby]

So what youre saying is that your strategy of spying then intervening is superior to my argument that a parent should teach their child well and then trust their judgment?

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by Ibram

So what youre saying is that your strategy of spying then intervening is superior to my argument that a parent should teach their child well and then trust their judgment?

Something you don't realize is that the best of your intentions as a parent will never lead to them using their judgement in the best way.

The assumption you have made is that teaching your child "well", whatever that is, is going to lead to them always making the right choices and using their best judgment. Ask every parent on here what "teaching your child 'well' is and you will get a different answer from each one. Ask any parent who has lost a child to a sexual predator, a teen pregnancy, a teen with HIV/AIDS, a child with a drug or alcohol habit, the one who died in a car accident or killed a friend, the child who committed suicide, ask them each if they thought that they were doing everything the best way they could and teaching them well enough to prevent all those acts, I would bet most would say they had.

[Stormieweather]

Personally, I think the level of monitoring should depend on the age as well as the level of responsibility the child demonstrates in other areas. You can teach them, but have that proved that they've learned those lessons?

For example, my S18 (nearly 19) has had unsupervised use of the internet for 3 years now. But he is exceptionally responsible in that he doesn't smoke, drink, use drugs, break curfew or otherwise disrespect me. The only issue we've had with his internet usage is downloading viruses along with his game mods. We finally put him on a separate router and installed a ferocious firewall to protect the other PC's in the house. If he destroys his PC, that's his problem.

On the other hand, my D11 is far from responsible enough to surf or play online unsupervised. She clicks on everything (popups, etc.), has no idea what porn or unsafe sites are and thinks everyone is nice and wants to be her "friend" . She is not allowed to visit MySpace or anything other than Disney, some Science sites, Wikipedia, and the TLC site. Someone is always looking over her shoulder while she's online.

By the way, I recently had a little talk with the miss and explained that this was MY house, as was everything in it. She does NOT have the 'right' to watch her TV when she likes, skip her chores, lock her bedroom door to keep me from bugging her about her homework (that lost her a doorknob), or play her Nintendo DS when grounded just because it is 'hers'. I have zero responsiblity to provide her with Nike shoes, take her skating, let her friends come over whenever she wants, or buy coca cola and doughnuts for her. Nope. Those are priviledges that she has to EARN by doing what I require of her...namely: good grades, respectful attitude, and doing as she is told, ie: her chores. She was pretty shocked, I think.

Good.

Stormie

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by Stormieweather

Stormie

We had similar experinces. The 2 daughters are good to go and we rarely check up on either of them, and one not at all since she is off to college and we trusted her enough to get her a laptop that was all hers to do as she pleased. Now she is on her own and I trust her to make all the right decisions, she usually does. The youngest, daughter the same, we check on things every now and then and have never had any worries, so far so good. Most of what she does is stupid teen stuff, chat the same, nothing to get worried about.

The son, now that is another situation all together. He will be 18 and out of the house by the time he is 18 1/2, but until then he will be monitored. And oh btw, when he tries to BS us about what he is doing when it is something we disapprove of, we show him copies of his email or what ever. I have their MySpace access codes as well as livejournal. Once they are out and on their own, they are on their own. Until then...