How to be a true *insert religion*?

[smurfalicious]

• You must attend church services twice weekly.
• You must brag about being a Christian at every opportunity.
• You must be "holier than thou".
• You must praise Jesus (not God) for everything good that happens. Conversely, you must blame all sinners for tragedies.
• You must be judgmental and narrow-minded. And hate fags.
• You must try to convert everyone you meet. Even strangers in Costco minding their own business and trying to buy a polish sausage and soda for $1.50 after the softball game.
• You must believe in places where there are no more tears that have streets paved with gold and where people have wings... and in places where there is eternal fire and people are red and carry around pitchforks. But you believe the Tooth Fairy and Loch Ness monster are figments of one's imagination.

I'll stop now before I really piss someone off.