Discussing death with kids

LabRat · 09-13-2007, 11:47 AM

We have had several deaths in the family, some of whom my almost 5yo daughter were close to. We explained that so-and-so died. That means they won't be around anymore because their body has stopped working. All were because of old age, so I just explained that as we get older, our bodies get worn out. Eventually we get to the point where we can't get better anymore, and when a person dies they get to continue living in our hearts and memories, so really they aren't ever gone. When she asked 'what happens to their body?' I explained that that the body goes to the cemetary, so you can visit whenever you need to. She has been with me to my dad's gravesite.

We have had no nightmares, etc. The last grandma that died, I told her and said we were going to the funeral without her, (happened during vacation, she stayed with the in-laws in Wisconsin, we came back early) and she was cool. She told me not to be sad. Later, she checked and said that she's living in our hearts now, right? And I told her yes.

I HATED beting told that X was now in heaven watching over me after they died. Seriously gave me the creeps, especially when having sex, to think that all my dead relatives, including my father were 'watching'. I absolutely refuse to tell my daughter the same thing, and opted for the living in your heart/memory. Which, really, is true.

glatt · 09-13-2007, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat

We have had several deaths in the family, some of whom my almost 5yo daughter were close to. We explained that so-and-so died.

Did you prepare her for the deaths by saying the person was really sick, etc? Or just wait until after the fact?

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat

We have had no nightmares, etc.

That's good to hear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat

I HATED beting told that X was now in heaven watching over me after they died. Seriously gave me the creeps, especially when having sex, to think that all my dead relatives, including my father were 'watching'.

LOL. Me too. Not so much sex as masturbating.

LabRat · 09-13-2007, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

Did you prepare her for the deaths by saying the person was really sick, etc? Or just wait until after the fact?

We visited most of them while they were sick, and explained that they were very sick. My grandma especially, toward the end was pretty much incoherent with her tongue sticking out (if I'd known she was that bad, I might not have brought her, that's not an image of her grandma that I want to stick in her head...) so it was kind of obvious something wasn't right.

We did explain beforehand that they wouldn't be around very long, that's why we want to visit to tell them we loved them etc. As soon as they died we told her, and explained that we would be going to a visitation (and what that was) and then a funeral the next day (and what that was).

You know your child best, but for us, I have always just said what was going on. I want her to be able to trust me.

Bullitt · 09-13-2007, 12:27 PM

My mom read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-L.../dp/0805010645
to the little girl (8 years) of a coworker of my dad's before she passed away from leukemia last week. Read it myself and it really does a great job of explaining death but not making it a scary thing for young kids.

09-13-2007, 11:47 AM	#1
LabRat twatfaced two legged bumhole Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,143	We have had several deaths in the family, some of whom my almost 5yo daughter were close to. We explained that so-and-so died. That means they won't be around anymore because their body has stopped working. All were because of old age, so I just explained that as we get older, our bodies get worn out. Eventually we get to the point where we can't get better anymore, and when a person dies they get to continue living in our hearts and memories, so really they aren't ever gone. When she asked 'what happens to their body?' I explained that that the body goes to the cemetary, so you can visit whenever you need to. She has been with me to my dad's gravesite. We have had no nightmares, etc. The last grandma that died, I told her and said we were going to the funeral without her, (happened during vacation, she stayed with the in-laws in Wisconsin, we came back early) and she was cool. She told me not to be sad. Later, she checked and said that she's living in our hearts now, right? And I told her yes. I HATED beting told that X was now in heaven watching over me after they died. Seriously gave me the creeps, especially when having sex, to think that all my dead relatives, including my father were 'watching'. I absolutely refuse to tell my daughter the same thing, and opted for the living in your heart/memory. Which, really, is true. __________________ Strength does not come from how much weight you can lift, or how many miles you can run. It comes from knowing that you set a goal, and rose to the challenge. Strength comes from within.

09-13-2007, 12:27 PM	#4
Bullitt This is a fully functional babe lair Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Akron, OH Posts: 2,324	My mom read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-L.../dp/0805010645 to the little girl (8 years) of a coworker of my dad's before she passed away from leukemia last week. Read it myself and it really does a great job of explaining death but not making it a scary thing for young kids. __________________ Kiss my white Irish ass.

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