Short VD poem

HungLikeJesus · 03-30-2007, 10:16 AM

My wife was travelling on Valentine's Day, so I wrote this short poem. It has kind of a VD/Halloween feel. Note the cultural references.

====================================
Your love is like a steel-tipped dart.
In aimless days when we’re apart,
I don’t come home ‘til after dark,
then stop in the door of the shadowed room,
the light through the window from the fallen moon,
the light through the window from the rising snow,
a shadow on the wall in the shape of a man,
the shadow of a man with a bow in his hand,
and a cat in a tree on a branch near his head,
and a one-eyed bird at the foot of the bed.

As I reach for the light that I know doesn’t work,
he pulls back his bow, lets it go with a jerk.
I look at my shirt with the dart sticking through,
and the bird on the bed says, “You got red on you.”

====================================

Spexxvet · 03-30-2007, 10:17 AM

That has nothing to do with Venereal Disease. :p

Flint · 03-30-2007, 10:18 AM

Why does it hurt when I pee?

Sundae · 03-30-2007, 10:37 AM

I often try to avoid other people's poetry because I don't know how to politely say, "Yes I know you are proud of it, but it's not very good is it?" and I really hate to lie about things that are important to me.

But this being the internet I figured you wouldn't know I'd peeked at it...

Then it turns out to be good and I'm impressed.
Very clever, round of applause.

DanaC · 03-30-2007, 10:48 AM

Quote:

I look at my shirt with the dart sticking through,
and the bird on the bed says, “You got red on you.”

Shaun of the Dead ref?

HungLikeJesus · 03-30-2007, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

I often try to avoid other people's poetry because I don't know how to politely say, "Yes I know you are proud of it, but it's not very good is it?" and I really hate to lie about things that are important to me.

But this being the internet I figured you wouldn't know I'd peeked at it...

Then it turns out to be good and I'm impressed.
Very clever, round of applause.

Sundae Girl, thanks for the kind words. I hesitated for a long time before posting it, then figured, this being the internet, etc. and no one here knows me. It's difficult to open yourself up to potential criticism, as I'm sure you know, and that's really the first time I've tried poetry (if you can call it that).

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

Shaun of the Dead ref?

Yes, DanaC - SotD. One of the best of the romzomcom genre, I think.

DanaC · 03-30-2007, 11:23 AM

Quote:

and that's really the first time I've tried poetry (if you can call it that).

Fuck off, seriously? Natural talent.

btw, have you seen the SotD team's latest ? Hot Fuzz. Wicked little number.

HungLikeJesus · 03-30-2007, 11:39 AM

DanaC - I just looked up Hot Fuzz on IMDB (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0425112/). I couldn't figure out where, or if, it is playing in the US.

Sundae · 03-30-2007, 11:41 AM

I think Bri said ir was out in April....?

Trilby · 03-30-2007, 02:44 PM

Yeah, supposed to be out in April here in the states.

You know what Stephen Fry said about reading other peoples poetry--it's like smelling other people's farts. that said, though, I liked the poem!

HungLikeJesus · 03-30-2007, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

You know what Stephen Fry said about reading other peoples poetry--it's like smelling other people's farts. that said, though, I liked the poem!

That's better than the reaction I got from my wife.

HungLikeJesus · 04-01-2007, 10:14 AM

DanaC, I was inspired to dig out the Shaun of the Dead disc and watch it Friday night. That still makes me laugh.

03-30-2007, 10:16 AM	#1
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	Short VD poem My wife was travelling on Valentine's Day, so I wrote this short poem. It has kind of a VD/Halloween feel. Note the cultural references. ==================================== Your love is like a steel-tipped dart. In aimless days when we’re apart, I don’t come home ‘til after dark, then stop in the door of the shadowed room, the light through the window from the fallen moon, the light through the window from the rising snow, a shadow on the wall in the shape of a man, the shadow of a man with a bow in his hand, and a cat in a tree on a branch near his head, and a one-eyed bird at the foot of the bed. As I reach for the light that I know doesn’t work, he pulls back his bow, lets it go with a jerk. I look at my shirt with the dart sticking through, and the bird on the bed says, “You got red on you.” ==================================== __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker. Last edited by HungLikeJesus; 03-30-2007 at 11:10 AM.

03-30-2007, 10:17 AM	#2
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	That has nothing to do with Venereal Disease. :p __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

03-30-2007, 10:18 AM	#3
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Why does it hurt when I pee? __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

03-30-2007, 10:37 AM	#4
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I often try to avoid other people's poetry because I don't know how to politely say, "Yes I know you are proud of it, but it's not very good is it?" and I really hate to lie about things that are important to me. But this being the internet I figured you wouldn't know I'd peeked at it... Then it turns out to be good and I'm impressed. Very clever, round of applause. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

03-30-2007, 11:39 AM	#8
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	DanaC - I just looked up Hot Fuzz on IMDB (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0425112/). I couldn't figure out where, or if, it is playing in the US. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

03-30-2007, 11:41 AM	#9
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I think Bri said ir was out in April....? __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

03-30-2007, 02:44 PM	#10
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Yeah, supposed to be out in April here in the states. You know what Stephen Fry said about reading other peoples poetry--it's like smelling other people's farts. that said, though, I liked the poem! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

04-01-2007, 10:14 AM	#12
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	DanaC, I was inspired to dig out the Shaun of the Dead disc and watch it Friday night. That still makes me laugh. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

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