I wish I was great

[Undertoad]

I, the born underachiever, can't be satisfied unless I accomplish things and help the world get along. Always ALWAYS feel like I haven't done much. Partly left the pawn shop because greatness was made impossible. Regularly mourn my own life and the lack of possibilities. Hate how my own businesses faltered and died.

I need to do great things. I need accomplishments. I see this won't happen in regular employment and it kind of kills me. I am an architect, a dreamer, I want to build and create.

I have a huge ego and yet am tripped up by low self-esteem in some areas. I don't quite understand myself and my life is half over.

[ZenGum]

What are you doing inside my head?

[Lamplighter]

I know that feeling too. I think it is an aging thing.
A woman's "change of life" is biological and physical
A man's "change of life" is psychological and may become physical

In our family, it got so that even our kids would chime
with the chant: "First, you got to get out of Buffalo"

We did. We sold our house, moved to Oregon,
and started a whole new book in our family life.

But I repeat myself...

[Spexxvet]

I, the born underachiever, dream of accomplishing great things to help the world improve. But I know I won't. I embrace knowing that I won't do much, probably mostly due to my aversion to risk. I have achieved moderate success as a boy/young man, but now, mediocrity is my milieu - my peers from that time are either economically significantly lower or higher than I, which leaves me in the .... middle.

I truly believe that I could have been at least a middle manager in the corporate world if I had been willing to do despicable things, but no I was not willing to do them.

I am riff-raff. I am the rag-tag proletariat. I am pedestrian. No one has high expectations of me, and I fulfill those expectations in an exceptionally average way. Sometimes it's liberating, sometimes frustrating. Sometimes I dream of what I could do, if I were exceptional, but usually I am glad I don't have to do those things.

[lumberjim]

Some body needs to watch fight club again

[Pico and ME]

Yeah, I remember when I thought I was going to be great. Now, it seems like that was just a hyped-up marketing ploy. Was that because we grew up in the seventies/eighties? I don't think kids these days harbor such silly notions.

[Chocolatl]

From what I saw as a high school teacher, most of the kids aspired to either fame or happiness. Greatness wasn't sought after, which to me spoke more of lack of ambition than of a realistic sense of self.

[ZenGum]

Have you read A New Years Tale by Dudinstev? It captures the spirit and feel of what I sometimes feel I ought to be approaching life with. It is mostly focused on a scientist working on solving the problems of mankind, desperately racing against his own mortality, making sure he gets the most value out of every precious day.

Shit I'm a slacker.

[Sheldonrs]

If you've loved and been loved, made
People happy in your life, didn't hurt people
On purpose, you already ARE great.
I'm almost 53, currently working 2 part time
Jobs and live in a small, one room apartment
In a not-so-nice neighborhood in Los Angeles.
And I can honestly say I am happier now than
I have thought I'd be.

[lumberjim]

Word.

Greatness is inherently seen from outside. To be great, others must regard you highly. To be happy, the only person you need to please is yourself.

I would take bets that most of the people we see as great are not happy. I, personally would much rather be happy than great.

[monster]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

I, the born underachiever, can't be satisfied unless I accomplish things and help the world get along. Always ALWAYS feel like I haven't done much. Partly left the pawn shop because greatness was made impossible. Regularly mourn my own life and the lack of possibilities. Hate how my own businesses faltered and died.

I need to do great things. I need accomplishments. I see this won't happen in regular employment and it kind of kills me. I am an architect, a dreamer, I want to build and create.

I have a huge ego and yet am tripped up by low self-esteem in some areas. I don't quite understand myself and my life is half over.

EXCUSE ME?

The Cellar is Legend. You did this. This is greatness.

People from all over the world who have never met do not mourn a lost member together, do not club together to send care packages across the world, or buy surprise cars for a member without wheels, do not alter their travel plans or make special trips to meet strangers without a background of greatness. It may not be great in the way you imagined it when you sat in the branch of a tree swinging your legs and dreaming. but how much of the world is how you imagined it would be? Yes we have cellphones. That's probably the only futuristic dream of our generation that came true!

[Undertoad]

Sheldon these are fine words and I will listen to them.

Monster you are most kind to say so!

[monster]

I am truthful and honest. it usually gets me called a bitch round here. I will work on getting used to this K word.

One thing (maybe the only thing, certainly a big thing) I learned from my stroke is that I was awesome IRL. I learned that I had no self-esteem before. ((still don't have much but working on it.... watch) I thought that I was one of life's born losers. let's face it, most on The cellar do, it's one of the things that binds us together, and yet we're not...

"You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone". truer than it has any right to be. Turns out I was great, in my universe. I just had no idea. I only learned when it all fell down and so many people said "why aren't you doing this, how can we possibly do this, this is too much for one person, how on earth did you, ...., why are you unhappy, you're still above average....."

thankfully it isn't all gone, but shit, if I knew what I had, I'd've taken more time to appreciate it You need to do that too, toad, don't wait 'til it's too late.

The world population increases so greatness falls under a bigger Shadow. if you lived in Roman times, you'd be so great you couldn't afford it. But you don't. Which is easier on the wallet, but harder on the ego.

[limegreenc]

Perhaps it's the '50 blues' and like an old record player, we've lost our shine. Go look for The Blue Day Book-it was written for the ungrateful lot to which I find myself of late. I watched an interview of Robert Plant a few years ago, telling how his personality had changed since the days...that he had to change/grow up and evolve.

Good advice-good company

[Undertoad]

Monster, these are sobering words.

limegreenc, welcome.