What is Love?

[lumberjim]

I'm reading 'A Road Less Traveled' By M Scott Peck

He has a very different definition of love than I've ever come across. It's a very pragmatic definition, and I think it makes sense.

from the wiki page:

Love

His perspective on love (in The Road Less Traveled) is that love is not a feeling, it is an activity and an investment. He defines love as, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth" (Peck, 1978/1992[2], p85). Love is primarily actions towards nurturing the spiritual growth of another.
Peck seeks to differentiate between love and cathexis. Cathexis is what explains attractions to the opposite sex, the instinct for cuddling pets and pinching babies' cheeks. However, cathexis is not love. All the same, true love cannot begin in isolation, a certain amount of cathexis is necessary to get sufficiently close to be able to truly love.
Once through the cathexis stage, the work of love begins. It is not a feeling. It consists of what you do for another person. As Peck says in The Road Less Traveled, "Love is as love does." It is about giving the other person what they need to grow. It is about truly knowing and understanding them.

(bold mine)

This is a quote by jinx during a recent chat conversation where we were discussing my occasionally loose grip on reality:

we're not just a married couple to you - we're soul-mates, destined to be together forever.

that statement rang a bell in my head. a loud one.

I think I DO get caught up in the fantasy of 'true love' and 'destiny', when in actuality, real love is what you DO, not what you think, hope, wish, or attest. SAYING you love someone ....and meaning it is all well and good, and can make the other person feel good about themselves for as long as they believe it....but that belief has to end at some point if your actions are not in agreement with these attestations.... The lovey dovey affection part of love (cathexis)will only last for so long. Real love abides in the DOING. The actions you take to share yourself with your partner, the work you do in paying attention to their spiritual growth, and the loving acts you perform for them and for others.... THAT is love. That is HOW to love someone.


Is it serendipity that I read the above quoted passage mere hours after that statement by jinx?


This is a really really good book. I'm only halfway through it, but I already want to own a copy. It reads a little bit like a text book in places, so I have to slow down and re read some paragraphs, and be careful not to zone if I am getting sleepy... but this kind of perspective can change how you see the things you do, and thus WHAT you do going forward. ...and I'm all about change right now.